Dragon Ball Multiverse abridged
by Hector F123
Summary: Finally, someone (me!) has decided to make an abridged version of Salagir's creation. I know this is the happiest day in your lives, babies.
1. A really strange tournament

Planet Earth. It's been 20 years since Goku defeated Buu. 20 years worth of off screen time! Wow!

Right now, Trunks is sitting at his room and moaning to one of his servants:

'But why did he call me a lucky bastard?' he wonders in a sad tone of voice. 'Just because someone is born filthily rich, with all his practical problems solved, with super powers he never had to work for and all girls fall for him, that automatically makes him a lucky bastard?'

'Pretty much, sir,' the old servant, dressed in a proper uniform, answers stoically.

That moment, Trunks receives a telepathic message from Dende, the god of Earth: 'Trunks, come to the lookout immediately. I'm sending the same message to all the strongest fighters on Earth.'

'Couldn't you just text us or something?' Trunks wonders.

'There is no internet connection at the lookout, Trunks. We've been through this,' Dende sighs. 'Now hurry up and come. Something totally unexpected happened. I still can't believe it. I mean, it's totally unbelievable!'

Trunks widens his eyes and tries a guess: 'Ciara Bravo's body finally hit puberty?'

'Well, not THAT unbelievable!' Dende answers. 'But still, you have to come quickly.'

* * *

At the lookout, Dende, Popo and Piccolo are waiting for the Z fighters to come while chatting with Vargas, the visitors from another universe.

'I'm surprised, though,' one of the short, bird formed aliens comments. 'In all universes we've visited so far, we've never seen a planet where people are cool with a dog being their king.'

'Well, their options in the last elections were either him or Trump, so... you know... the dog, hands down,' Piccolo explains.

The Z fighters arrive: Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, Goten, Trunks, Pan, Bra and Videl.

The leader of the Vargas mission starts explaining: 'Greetings, honorable warriors. We are the inventors of interuniversal travel. We made that discovery totally accidentally.'

'Yes, totally accidentally,' Popo, who secretly controls the fates of all creatures in the omniverse thinks and laughs evilly in his head.

Goku scratches his head. Gohan corrects his glasses, with an expression that shows he understands.

'You see, gentlemen,' the Varga continues, 'all universes started with the same possibilities, but, somewhere in the proccess, diverged because of different choices made by individuals or other random factors.'

'Wow,' Gohan whispers.

'What?' Goku asks.

'We decided to select a few universes and organize a tournament among them,' another Varga carries on. 'So far, in our attempt to find really interesting universes, we have visited hundreds.'

'In how many of them did Spongebob remain a good show past Season 3?' Goten asks.

'Err... none...' a Varga laughs awkwardly.

'So, do you want to come?' the leader Varga asks, arms behind back.

'Wow, a whole world of parallel timelines,' Gohan says in enthusiasm. 'I'll definitely come, albeit as a spectator. For a scientist like me, studying such a fascinating thing is a dream come true. Right, dad?'

'What?' Goku, who hasn't understood anything of what the Vargas said, scratches his head.

The Vargas facepalm. 'Okay, I'll explain the multiverse theory one more time,' one of them sighs.

'Don't bother,' Piccolo interrupts him. 'I'll do it. I speak his language.'

'You speak his language?' the aforementioned Varga raises an eyebrow.

Piccolo stares at Goku and starts drawling in a somewhat loud voice, as if he's talking to a retarded child: 'Goku... good fooood... strooong guys to fiiiiight... wanna... cooome?'

'Yaay,' Goku raises his arms in the air.

'I'll come too,' Vegeta says casually, arms crossed. 'Something seems fishy to me, but there is no way I'll let Kakarrot go to a tournament without me.'

'Oh, come on, don't be suspicious, sir,' one of the Nameks that accompanied the Vargas says. 'It will be just a pleasant tournament. Nothing bad has to happen.'

'Yes. Nothing bad has to happen,' Mister Popo says in his head. As soon as the ship has vanished with the passengers, he starts laughing evilly.

'Err... is something wrong, Mister Popo?' Dende asks.

'No, I just remembered a joke,' the nigga supposed servant answers and procceeds to tell it: 'How many of Lincoln Loud's sisters does it take to create a good show?'

'Err... how many?' the supposed god laughs in embarassment.

'All of them but Lily,' Popo declares.


	2. Journey to trollverse

As the Vargas ship crosses the unspecified space between universes, each of its passengers is lost in their own thoughts.

Piccolo and Vegeta are enjoying a staring contest. Goku is trying to count the stars outside the window (well, there are no stars in the interuniversal space, but this will take him some time to realize). Bra is wondering who won the America Next Top Model. Ubb imagines how awesome it would be if he could somehow child molest Pan. Trunks and Goten are bragging to the latter's niece about how Gotenks has got the trophy in the bag, even though he has never actually won a single fight in his life.

Lastly, Gohan is excitedly conversing with the Vargas. Goku approaches them, his stomach making sounds.

'I'm hungry,' he complains.

'You will eat all you want in a few minutes, when we are at the stadium, sir,' a Varga informs him.

'Yeah, but I'm hungry,' Goku says.

'Okay, wait half a minute till I finish what I was telling your son and I'll give you a snack,' the Varga sighs.

'But I'm hungry,' Goku says.

'Dad, just go away,' Gohan sighs, annoyed.

His son's reaction makes him leave.

'So you were saying that we're going to meet people we know, except they're from other timelines?' Gohan goes back to the discussion.

'Wow. This is the first time I meet someone who understands what we're saying right away,' the Varga comments, impressed.

'I wonder whether any version of Freeza's will be there,' Gohan says in his head.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the tournament's stadium, at Universe 8 balcony, we see the Icers family (Freeza, Coola, Cold) discussing. The eldest Frost Demon is looking around, troubled.

'It seems we're missing in all other universes,' he comments. 'Whereas those filthy Saiyans have defeated us in many.'

'They gave me a hard time in my universe too,' Freeza snorts. 'All due to that bastard Ginyu's incompetence.'

'WHAT?' Cold cries, annoyed, eliciting curious looks from his two offsprings.

'Umm... what I meant is that...' he tries to fix this.

'You know Ginyu, dad?' Freeza asks. 'I don't recall ever mentioning him to you.'

'Of course I don't!' Cold laughs awkwardly. 'As if I have nothing better to do than learn by heart the names of all your subordinates. Next thing you're gonna tell me that I'm Ginyu myself!'

All three Icers laugh, though Cold is obviously way more uncomfortable.

'So,' the eldest Icer continues. 'It's not that I know that Ginyu guy. And I swear I have no idea about the existence of his body swap technique, which you've never told me about either! But, by just hearing his name, I can tell that he's a pretty nice guy, I mean only a cool guy would have such a cool name, so is it possible that he was just misunderstood?'

'Don't try to defend him, dad. He was an incompetent idiot,' Freeza snorts.

Cold growls in anger, eliciting more curious looks from his sons.

'Are you okay, dad?' Coola asks.

'Yes!' Cold presses himself to smile. 'I just remembered one time I lost at Mario Kart.'

'Oh, yeah, it has happened to me too,' Coola sighs. 'Pretty annoying!'

* * *

'Okay, mister Goku,' a Varga announces. 'Since you're so impatient, we'll serve you a meal right now.'

Goku is seen lying on the floor and burping. 'Oh, don't bother, guys,' he says with a smile. 'I'm no longer hungry.'

'Huh? What did you eat?' the Varga asks before realizing in horror that his companions seem fewer than before and there are small sized clothes scattered around the Saiyan.

Some Z fighters sweatdrop.

'Let's pretend that this never happened,' Piccolo comments, arms crossed.

'Along with most Dragon Ball Super and all Dragon Ball GT,' Vegeta adds.


	3. Lots of old acquaintances here

The spaceship carrying our heroes from Universe 18 is slowly landing. The auto pilot makes an announcement, in a female voice: 'Attention, ladies and gentlemen. We shall soon reach our destination. While at the stadium, you are free to interact with people from other universes, but it is forbidden to pick fights or have sex with them.'

'Why not sex?' Goten asks in disappointment. Actually, that was a rather rhetorical question, since he did not expect the auto pilot to answer.

However, the auto pilot, changing his formal tone of voice, says: 'Because we need to keep this fanfic at T rating so that more people will be likely to see it. You see, most Fanfiction Net visitors usually forget to deactivate M rating ilters.'

'Curse them,' Trunks whispers, clenching his fist.

* * *

Our heroes have been shown their universes balcony. They're looking around. It's not long before they notice Cell, right next to them, at Universe 17 balcony.

'Hmf. You again,' the bio android says indifferently, keeping his arms crossed.

'Hey, Cell,' Goku greets him in a jolly fashion as if he has never done anything bad in his life.

'Who's that?' Bra asks, scratching her chin. 'His boots are so last year.'

'It's Cell,' Gohan takes a stern expression, his dark memories flooding his head. (Imagine TFS version of Unmei No Hi song being played at that moment.)

'The one and only,' the green android brags. 'The ultimate life form, created by cells of the greatest martial artists in existence, such as Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, Piccolo and Tenshinhan.'

'Wait a minute, what about me?' Ubb complains. 'Don't you have any cells of mine? Why?'

Piccolo starts explaining that Ubb wasn't born yet during the period Cell was being created: 'Basically...'

'Is it because I'm black?' Ubb snaps, ignoring the Namek. 'Are you a racist? Do niggas mean nothing to you?'

Cell sighs. Ubb crawls into a fetal position and starts crying. A short silence follows, only the nigga's sobs being heard.

'Hey, Goten,' Trunks changes the subject. 'How about we go to explore the other universes balconies?' And, pointing a finger at Universe 13, he continues: 'Look. Over there, there is a version of my dad with a cape, a version of your father with psychotic eyes and two other Saiyans.'

'Dunno, man,' Goten scratches his head. 'They seem to be discussing something. Maybe they're busy right now.'

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Universe 13 balcony..._

'Vegeta!' Nappa snaps. 'What does the scouter say about the number of reviews Hector Fenwick's fanfics should get if readers knew to appreciate true masterpieces?'

Vegeta presses a button on the scouter he's wearing, reads the indication and yells: 'IT'S OVER 9000!'

* * *

'Yeah, they seem pretty busy,' Trunks scratches his head too. 'Let's not disturb them right now.'

In the meantime, Ubb is still lying in a fetal position and sobbing, ignored by everyone.

At some point, Pan goes close to him, crouches and pats him on the bare part of his back. 'There, there,' she says in a soft voice, showing genuine interest. 'Is there something I can do for you to feel better?'

Ubb looks at her and smiles. 'Well, do you want to come with me to the bathroom and see my big, juicy...'

'LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,' the announcer's voice interrupts Ubb's attempt to child molest his master's grand daughter. 'The fights are about to begin.'

A Cell Junior appears out of nowhere and asks: 'Papa, is it time for my debut yet?'

'Shut up, Cell Junior,' Cell insensitively replies.


	4. Let the matches begin

After two quick fights (Nappa ripped off his Namek opponent's arm and shoved it in the latter's ass, then Jeice forfeited against Freeza), the time has come for Goku to fight. His opponent is Mahissu, a Saiyan from Universe 10.

The two Saiyans are standing across from each other at the arena. 'Zup?' Goku casually greets his foe, in a horse stance.

'I don't speak to renegades,' Mahissu replies with scorn. 'True Saiyans are only those who have tails.'

'Hey, I do have tails,' Goku protests. 'Yesterday, I played Sonic Adventure and selected Tails as my character.'

'I think we've overdone it with references,' Goten says, in the stands.

'This fanfic doesn't make any references, Goten,' Trunks strictly corrects him, finger raised. 'Everybody else is referencing this fanfic!'

'Cool!' Goten exclaims.

Meanwhile, Goku has one shotted his foe with a punch in the air that created an air wave. Recalling that this is how he beat his wife, Chichi, years ago (and, right after that, they began being declared a couple), he goes close to the half conscious, fallen foe, crouches and asks innocently: 'Does this mean we're married now?'

'What?' Mahissu exclaims in a raspy voice.

'Mister Goku. Please leave the arena or I'll have to disqualify you for inappropriate behaviour,' the announcer asks.

Goku ignores the warning.

'Who's the husband? Who's the wife?' he asks, scratching his head.

Most people in the audience are freaked out. Gohan has buried his face in his hands in embarassment.

'Will we have offsprings now?' Goku asks the horrified Mahissu. 'Do I have to do to you that thing Chichi made me do to her every time she wanted children?'

'DAD!' Gohan yells to save the day. 'Catch!'

He throws a snack that Zeno knows where he found in the sky.

Goku soars into outer space chasing it: 'WOO HOO!'

A long silence, accompanied by sweatdrops, follows.

'Err hem, let's take five before moving on to the next match,' the announcer declares.

Goten and Trunks exploit this break to explore more universes balconies.

'Generic characters created by Salagir's Star Wars obsession? Check!' Goten says, looking at Universe 19 Heloites.

'Character that everybody and their mommas know will cause havoc, yet they registered him anyway? Check!' Trunks looks at Universe 20 balcony, with Broly trapped in an iceberg.

Finally, they come across something interesting: Universe 10!

'Hey, gramps,' Goten casually greets Bardock. 'Is grandma with you? May I take a picture with you and her? I need it for... err... scientific reasons!'

'GOTEN!' Trunks snaps. 'You want to jack off to your own grandmother?'

'Who wouldn't?' Goten defends himself. 'She's the hottest female that has ever graced omniverse with her existence.'

'How do you know what she looks like since you've never seen her?' Trunks asks.

'I've read the novel,' Goten answers, scratching his swollen crotch as he recalls the picture with Hanasia carried by aNamek b ridal style.

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Universe 13 stands..._

'Vegeta!' Nappa asks. 'What does the scouter say about the number of times Salagir declared he would update Hanasia novel in a month yet he didn't?'

'IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAND!'


	5. Two Videls in great luck

One way or another, Multiverse Tournament is progressing.

The fights resumed with Seventeen defeating IKL (an embryo in the womb of something like a transgender) without needing to fight, since the former wasn't born yet.

Next was the fight South Kaioshin vs Burter. The latter bragged he was the fastest in the universe when the fight was about to begin. Right after that, a group of women in the stands (Burter's exes who had come along from his universe unbeknownst to him) started cheering ironically, confirming that he really is the fastest in the universe (wink, wink). Everybody in the audience got the message and started laughing. Burter died of shame. (Seriously, he dropped literally dead of shame! Oh well, he'll come back with dragonballs later.)

Right now, at Universe 11 balcony, we see Babidi mentally preparing Buu for his upcoming fight against Bujin:

'Kill them all, Buu. Win this tournament for me!'

'Buu,' the djinn says in his childlike voice.

'You are free to believe that violence is never the answer,' Babidi replies. 'But keep following my orders, or I'll imprison you back in your ball.'

'Buu?' the djinn asks, scratching his head.

'Is this the right time to ask me whether communism would work in an ideal society?' Babidi snaps. 'Deal with your philosophical questions in your leisure time!'

Buu sighs and moves to the arena. And now, until his dull fight against Bujin ends, let's savor a sweet moment between Gohan and Videl.

Having explored some universes balconies, the nerdish Saiyan goes back where his lovely wife is sitting. They casually kiss and exchange smiles. They hold hands. The fight taking place before their eyes does not interest them. At some point, Gohan gives a meaningful look to Videl. They go to their universes dorm, where nobody else is at the moment. The noise of the battle and the audiences cheers conceal their kisses, giggles and bed squeaks. Later, they return to the balcony, Videl still hastily correcting the clothes on her, her hair kinda messy.

'So,' Gohan tries to initiate conversation to avoid the awkward post sex silence. 'I met Trunks from Universe 12 earlier. You know, the one I fought Cell with 30 years ago. I have told you the story. Right?'

'Huh?' Videl raises an eyebrow. 'What are you talking about, sweetie? We met that version of Trunkses almost as soon as we got here, hours ago? Have you forgotten already?'

Gohan widens his eyes. 'Wait a minute, what is the number of your universe?'

'16, of course,' Videl smiles, momentarily closing her eyes in a Japanese fashion.

'I'm... I'm the Gohan from Universe 18...' the lad manages to stutter.

To make matters worse, the very next moment, the Gohan from U16 has landed behind his U18 counterpart and cleared his throat to draw attention.

'NOOO,' Videl screams, falling on her knees and raising her hands and eyes to the sky, in a somewhat unneccessarily dramatic fashion.

The two Gohans stare at her, not sure how to react. Finally, the woman somewhat calms down and looks at them. 'Oh, gosh, what if I get pregnant?' she wonders. 'How will we tell who the father is? Not even a DNA test can solve this.'

The two Gohans look at each other awkwardly. U18 Gohan strokes the back of his head and tries to break the ice: 'Err... sorry for...'

'... having screwed my wife?' the other Gohan guesses.

'Yeah!' U18 Gohan giggles uncomfortably.

'Don't worry about that. What's done is done,' U16 Gohan comforts him. 'Besides, I also accidentally screwed your wife a while ago.'

'WHAT?'

'But don't tell her,' U16 Gohan winks. 'No need for her to know.'

'You're right,' U18 Gohan sighs. 'I guess it won't hurt her to believe it was me. Now I'll leave you alone so that you can console your wife.'

With those words, Gohan flies back to his universes balcony.

When he reaches there, his 'correct' wife whispers to him: 'Wanna hear a secret? Today, we had the best sex I've ever had!'

'WHAT?'

How can his U16 counterpart be a better lover than himself? They're supposed to be identical!

* * *

_Meanwhile, somewhere in the arena..._

'Tee hee hee,' U16 Vegetto laughs inwardly. 'I knew that dick lengthening ointment I found during one of my space travels and applied to my son's crotch in his sleep unbeknownst to him would turn out to be funny someday.'

Gosh, being the strongest in your universe by such a wide margin definitely gives you way too much free time!


	6. Uub does the honors

'The match Uub vs Tidar shall commence in ten minutes,' the announcer's voice resonates.

Uub is sitting somewhere alone, pensive. Goku approaches.

'You seem sad,' he innocently points a finger at his student.

'I'm trying to come up with a way to molest your grand daughter,' he replies seriously, sitting on the ground with his back against a wall.

Goku gives him a confused look. Is this 'molest' thing something you can eat? In any case, if his student is sad for whatever reason, Goku feels it is his duty to make him feel better.

He has a seat next to him. 'I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to help you?'

'Well,' Uub grins deviously. 'Tell me what kind of candies and toys she likes.'

Goku answers.

'Have you ever seen the size of her pee pee hole?' Uub keeps questioning.

'Yup,' Goku answers with a casual smile. 'We have taken many baths together.' And, forming a circle with his fingers, he continues: 'It's about this big.'

Uub lowers his pants and shows him his genitalia. 'Do you think that if I shove this size in her pee pee hole, it will hurt her really badly?'

Goku crouches and examines the exposed nigga dick, caressing his chin. 'Hmm, probably...'

'THE FIGHT IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!' the announcer's voice resonates.

'We'll continue this discussion later, master,' Uub hastily raises his pants and runs to the arena.

'Okay, Uub,' Goku waves farewell. 'Good luck in your match and I hope you successfully molest my grand daughter later.'

Uub takes a fighting stance across from his opponent, Tidar, a generic, Star Wars like fighter from Universe 19.

'Be careful, dude,' Goten calls out, using his hands as a loudspeaker. 'He seems really strong.'

'Oh please,' Uub laughs. 'This will be a piece of cake.'

* * *

_30 seconds later..._

Uub is crying, holding his severed arm: 'Waah, I want my mommy.'

'I wonder who his mommy is,' Vegeta mumbles, arms crossed. 'Actually, I even wonder who my mommy is!'

'Buu,' the djinn from Universe 11 pulls Babidi's cape to draw his attention.

'No, Buu, you won't heal him,' the wizard says.

'Buu,' the djinn protests.

'You can keep your theories about altruism and how we all are part of a greater picture to yourself,' Babidi sighs.

Meanwhile, Uub is running around in the stadium, suffering a panic attack.

The two Pans (from Universes 18 & 16) are looking at him.

'Hey, he looks sad,' the more innocent version (the one from U18) points a finger.

'I know what will make him feel better,' U16 Pan smiles meaningfully.

She fumbles in her bra. Let's hope they're here... GREAT, she didn't forget to bring them along after all. She takes out a condom and holds it with her mouth.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in another reality..._

A beautiful Saiyaness with black hair sneezes.

'What's wrong, Caulifla?' a male Saiyan next to her asks.

'I suddenly have a feeling, Cabba,' she answers. 'A feeling that someone is stealing my Internet memes!'

* * *

U16 Pan is approaching Uub, dragging her oblivious U18 counterpart behind her. 'Hey,' she greets him with a seductive smile.

Uub widens his eyes.

'You look like you could use some consolation,' the promiscuous version of Pan continues.

'Yes, yes,' the nigga whispers, drooling.

Suddenly, a beam coming from nowhere heals Uub, putting back his severed arm.

Everybody turn their heads and see the intelligent version of Buu (the one from Universe 4) wiggling his tentacle. 'You're welcome,' the djinn replies in advance, arms crossed.

U16 Pan's expression suddenly becomes totally jolly, innocent and childlike: 'Oh, it seems you're fine now. You no longer need any consolation. Bye!'

Dragging the other Pan, she flies away.

'NO, WAIT,' the boy extends his arm. 'I still need consolation. I can cut off my arm again if you wish.'

He turns to Buu. 'Asshole! What kind of freaky bastard goes around healing people's severed limbs, thus depriving them of the chance to get laid with little girls?'

* * *

'Vegeta!' U13 Nappa snaps. 'What does the scouter say about how freaky the previous scene's last sentence was on a scale from 1 to 10?'

'IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND!'


	7. Kitty Kat

The tournament continued with four boring battles which we might as well skip: Nail crushed Recoome, U12 Trunks crushed Coola, our Vegeta crushed the primitive one from Universe 10 and U18 Pan crushed her grandfather, U10 Bardock (with Uub saying 'lucky bastard' in his head when the former was trying to hug the latter in a not so two sided family moment).

And now, the announcer declares the beginning of the next match: 'Kakarrot, from Universe 13, versus Kat, from Universe 6.'

'Kakarrot is going to win,' U18 Vegeta states in the stands.

'Are you sure, dad?' Trunks asks.

'As sure as I am that Salagir created this Kat character merely for fanservice/fapping reasons,' Vegeta answers.

Then he turns to his daughter: 'Bra, stop talking at your cellphone and watch a match for a change.'

Bra replies to him with all the respect that a well mannered girl shows to her father: 'Fuck off, dickhead.'

Vegeta sighs.

'How does she talk to her friends anyway?' Trunks wonders. 'They're not even in the same universe anymore.'

Vegeta is about to answer, but his voice is concealed by Bra's scream: 'SHE WAS WEARING WHAT NOW? O-M-G!'

* * *

_Meanwhile, in a Nickelodeon universe..._

Two teenage girls are lying at their living room's couch, seemingly bored, and watching this fanfic on TV. Suddenly, the one with red hair jumps to her feet: 'Sam! Did you hear that? The announcer spoke my name. I have to go and fight Kakarrot!'

'No, dimwit,' Sam, the blonde girl, sighs. 'That is a different Kat.'

'Aww,' Cat moans in disappointment and sits down again.

* * *

Kakarrot is pummeling Kat, the hot brunette from Universe 6.

'I give up,' the poor girl manages to stutter among blows received. However, this doesn't make Goku's psychotic version stop hitting her.

Suddenly, the Vegeta from his universe grabs his arm. 'Touch her again and we're all disqualified,' he says sternly.

At Universe 18 balcony, everybody seems angry with this version of Goku.

'What an asshole,' Gohan says.

'I hate him,' Pan says.

'I'm so glad that, in our universe, he hit his head and transformed into a totally different person,' Goten says.

'He did not turn into a different person. He is the same person, either you like it or not!' a female voice is heard.

'BRA?' everyone exclaims.

They're surprised. Usually, the half Saiyaness from Universe 18 is interested only in boys and fashion. But now her expression is something no one recalls having ever seen on her face.

'How can you all be so judgemental to that lost soul?' she continues. 'Up to a certain point, his universe and ours were exactly the same, meaning that, under the same circumstances, our Goku, the one you all guys have come to adore, would have done the same stuff as him. Is it his fault that he wasn't as lucky as our Goku? Lucky enough to get rid, through a head bump accident, of all poison his mother poured into his childhood's soul?'

Bra tears up, turns around and walks away, mumbling something like: 'Is there really such a thing as free will? Or are we what circumstances turn us into?'

'Bra...' Gohan whispers, dumbfounded.

* * *

Later, U18 Goku approaches Bra, scratching his head, the one he hit so long ago.

'I didn't really understand what made you sad, my rival's daughter,' he says. 'But take this.' He offers her a slice of bacon.

'How is this going to help?' Bra asks, blowing her nose.

'Dunno,' Goku admits jollily. 'But bacon always makes everything better.'

* * *

_Meanwhile, in another Nickelodeon universe..._

Robot and Monster are sitting at a table, eating a plate

full of bacon. 'At last, someone gets it!' they cry in unison.


	8. Solar Flare (or is it?)

Next fight, Cell vs Dabura. As the two participants take their fighting stances across from each other, Cell is contemplating: 'Okay, I have to conceal my true power for the time being by making everybody believe that I am still at the same level I was at the beginning of Cell Games. Now, let's see, how am I going to do that in a plausible way...'

Uub has shoved his hands in his pockets, pretending to be indifferent, but he's actually jacking off, his eyes darting from one Pan to the other.

Meanwhile, Dabura powers up with a battle cry, his demonic aura surrounding him. Cell clears his throat and declares, in a voice kinda louder than normally, to make sure the people in U16 and U18 balconies will hear: 'Wow, your power is quite impressive. It is almost equal to my power, which is exactly the same I had at the beginning of Cell Games, where Gohan NEVER TRANSFORMED INTO SUPER SAIYAN 2 (glances at Universe 18 balcony), a form whose existence I am NOT AWARE OF IN THE SLIGHTEST (glances at Universe 16 balcony), because it's not like I was ever outmatched by Gohan and had to resort to some asspulled last moment trick such as selfdestruction or something.'

A moment of awkward silence. Despite how ridiculous the above was, everyone in U18 and U16 balconies, even the smartest ones, such as the Gohans, seems to have bought it.

'So his failed suicide attempt did not happen in his timeline,' one of the Piccolos say.

'He probably killed us all there before I could get mad,' U16 Gohan mumbles.

'Even so, I don't think he hasn't improved at all in 27 years. He has to be hiding some power,' Vegetto comments.

And, turning to his daughter, he adds: 'Right, Bra?'

The girl seems worried too, but for an entirely different reason: 'Did you notice Uub? Why is he jacking off to the Pans?' (Vegetto and U16 Bra are the only ones aware of what Uub is doing.)

'Don't tell me you're freaked out because he's a pedo,' Vegetto laughs.

'No, I'm just annoyed that he's paying attention to them when I'm here,' Bra explains.

'Why do you care? Do you even like him?' Vegetto raises an eyebrow. 'For starters, I thought you were a raging lesbian. Hell you could even star in the next chapter of ChocolateCookieCream's fanfic about Anna Aredelle having a penis...'

* * *

_Meanwhile, in Hector's parents' basement..._

As I type the above, ChocolateCookieCream appears out of nowhere and grabs my neck. 'You listen,' he roars. 'I have had enough. Stop pestering me with PMs and reviews. I will update my 'Anna Adventures' fanfic whenever I want and have Anna screw whomever I want. Stop being obsessed with my fanfic and get a life.'

'Okay, okay,' I say in a raspy voice while being strangled.

* * *

Sorry for the interruption. Where were we? Oh, yeah...

'I never said I like him, dad,' U16 Bra sighs. 'But I want him to like me.'

'Why?'

'For the same reason Lori Loud wants Clyde to like her...'

At that point, Cell places his hands on his temples, about to stun his opponent with a solar flare.

A blinding, white flash covers the arena. 'AARGH, MY EYES...' several people say.

'Huh?' Cell is confused. 'But I didn't speak the words 'solar flare' yet. When did that white light come from?'

With a huge stain on his pants, Uub has blushed in embarrassment.

'Hehe, seems it had been a while since I last cummed,' he admits in his head.

The next moment, everyone in the stadium realizes in horror that they're covered in cum! Except U16 Bra and Vegetto, who had anticipated this and raised a barrier around themselves just in time.

'Should we tell them where that came from?' Bra giggles amid the crowd's cries of horror.

'Nah. What they don't know won't kill them,' Vegetto chuckles.


	9. Delightful news (oh, and Pan dies)

In the next match, U16 Pan will face Bojack. Her father contemplates: 'Let's see. 27 years ago, when I was a child, my father sent me to fight a demonic creature, in a fight I could have easily been killed. I got daddy issues because of that. I swore to never become like him. So, now that my daughter is in the same position, what is the right thing to do?'

The next moment, he crouches, smiles, holds her by the shoulders and says to her: 'Go ahead, Pan.'

'Okay, dad,' the girl beams and flies to the arena.

'What are you doing?' U16 Gohan hears an angry voice behind him. 'You're a bastard, a poor excuse for a parent.'

It's his father, Goku, albeit from a different universe.

'Isn't that the same thing you did to me?' U16 Gohan sighs.

'No, not at all,' U18 Goku protests, negatively shaking his head and arm, index finger raised. 'There is a huge difference.'

'What difference?'

'You didn't tell her to be careful! I may have sent you to fight Cell, I may have given him a senzu bean before the fight, I may have neglected to inform you about how you could transform into Super Saiyan 2 if you got angry, but I told you to be careful!'

'Hey, dad,' U16 Bra asks her father in the meantime. 'Wasn't everybody covered in cum at the end of the previous chapter?'

'Reset button technique, sweetheart,' Vegetto casually answers. 'Google it on TV Tropes. Do you remember how many times Bikini Bottom was totally destroyed?'

CRACK!

That was the sound of U16 Pan's neck snapping.

'Pan died. Bojack won,' the announcer declares in a bored tone of voice.

'See? That wouldn't have happened if you had told her to be careful,' U18 Goku stresses to U16 Gohan, as his daughter's corpse ends up in front of him, hurled by Bojack, the condoms she had been hiding in her bra scattered here and there.

All U16 members gather round and sob as Gohan places her in a makeshift coffin.

* * *

In the announcer's room, a Varga enters. The Varga announcer turns to him. 'Zup?'

'It's AWESOME. BEST DAY EVER!' the other Varga squeals in delight, waving the piece of paper he's holding.

The announcer takes the piece of paper, reads it and widens his eyes. He roars in excitement. The two Vargas start dancing together, hugging and crying of joy.

* * *

'Ladies and gentlemen,' the announcer's ecstatic voice breaks the grim silence caused by U16 Pan's death. 'We just got great news. BEST NEWS EVER. Starting from the next time, the chapters of this fanfic will have titles!'

A moment of silence till the felicitous announcement has sunk in. The very next moment, EVERY single person in the stadium, good guys and villains, stupid and smart, strong and weak, mortals and gods, start screaming in uncontrollable joy.

U16 Gohan grabs his daughter's corpse and flings it away.

Then U16 Goten uses the same corpse as a trampoline, bouncing on her stomach and making her vomit unidentified liquids even though she's dead.

People in the stands rip seats off and hurl them.

In U18 balcony, Goten and Trunks play rock music with electric guitars Zeno knows where they found, while their U16 counterparts are playing toss and catch using Pan's corpse as a makeshift ball.

In U13 balcony, the four evil Saiyans have fallen on their knees and chant to God like muslims.

U12 Sixteen has a short circuit because of excessive joy while Trunks is too busy doing some marijuana to help his robotic friend.

Even U11 Dabura has momentarily forgotten about his heavy, unhealed wounds and dances around like a fairy, like his U18 counterpart when he got brainwashed in heaven.

'Free candies for everyone,' U4 Buu cries, unable to recall having ever been so happy before, and begins materializing candies and giving them away.

In U18 blacony, Goku and Vegeta are sharing a passionate, french kiss while, in U14 one, Eighteen has ripped off her shirt and showing off her bare boobs to the ecstatic crowd.

* * *

I know you're as happy as DBM characters, guys, to hear that, starting from the next time, my chapters will have titles! Go outside and celebrate!


	10. The lunch break nobody was waiting for

U9 Krillin has just beaten the cum out of U8 Sauza and is returning to his universes balcony when U18 Goku approaches him, accompanied by his universes son.

'Wow, Krillin!' Goku exclaims. 'That was amazing. I didn't know you were so strong. In fact, I didn't even know you had registered in the tournament.'

Krillin gets an expression of annoyance to see Saiyans; he hates those demons. 'I don't know you, scum,' he snorts.

'And, boy, you've gotten old,' Goku continues, noticing his (one sided) pal's beard and ignoring his reply.

'Listen, you poor excuse for a life form,' Krillin raises his voices volume. 'I neither know nor want to know what happened in your universe but, in mine, bastards like you are...'

'AHAHAHAHA, you're so funny as always,' Goku interrupts him and gives him a noogie to the dwarf's annoyance.

'Umm, dad,' U18 Gohan tries to explain. 'This is not the Krillin from our universe. He doesn't know you.'

'Don't speak nonsense, son,' Goku, who doesn't really comprehend how multiverse works, says. 'Of course he knows me. We've gone through so much together.'

Then he turns to Krillin and continues: 'Such as that time we trained with Master Roshi. Huh? Remember, Krillin?'

Gohan facepalms.

'Nope,' the human fighter replies, his anger fading in a sigh of defeat.

'Then you definitely remember that time we went for dragon ball hunting with Bulma,' Goku tries again.

Gohan falls on all fours and starts slamming his head against the floor in desperation.

* * *

U16 members are having lunch at their table.

'So, who do you think will win this tournament?' Piccolo asks Vegetto.

'Me, of course,' the fused fighters answers with his mouth full of food.

'Why are you so sure, dad?' Gohan asks.

'Because, duh, in fights, especially in Dragon Ball, the winner is almost always the one who deserves to win. Exactly the opposite of what happens in soccer,' Vegetto answers.

'Really?' Bra raises an eyebrow.

'Sure,' Vegetto continues casually. 'If soccer was like that, World Cup 54 would have been won by Puskases Hungary, WC 74 and WC 78 by Cruyff's Holland, WC 82 by Zico's Brasil, WC 90 by Gascoine's England and WC 14 by Messi's Argentina.'

'I didn't know Messi was alive in 1914,' Goten comments and everybody faints in a Japanese gag manner.

* * *

'And what about the time Roshi took us to a brothel and I thought that prostitutes were something to eat?' Goku keeps questioning the almost sleepy Krillin. 'And I ate the one you had just had the thing you called 'sex' with?'

'Okay, that was a little too much more info than I needed to know,' Gohan says in his head.

* * *

'What about Broly?' U16 Piccolo asks. 'He seems the most dangerous of all.'

'Don't be paranoid, Piccolo,' Vegetto answers, his daughter stopping him just in time from unconsciously grabbing and eating one of the Varga waiters. 'How much can Salagir have haxed Broly? Just because he's a Broly fantard and secretly has Broly's posters all over his room and jacks off to them every night before going to sleep and demands that his wife wears a Broly mask when they have sex and he wanted his birthday cake to be Broly shaped and he started the 'Broly's cum is the best cum in the world, oh the things I'd do to taste it again' blog, all the above doesn't mean he's gonna hax Broly to the extent of making him equal to me!'

The next moment, the announcer declares the next match: U16 Vegetto vs U20 Broly.


	11. Broly Special

_Today, we interrupt the main action for the sake of this __fanfic's first special. The story below happened in __Universes 4, 6, 16, 17, 18 and 20._

* * *

In a lovely spring field, Krillin is standing on a stage and performing a (not so successful) stand up comedy show, his friends watching him. So far, nobody has laughed.

Bulma has a bored expression, the baby version of Trunks she's holding mumbling something that sounds like: 'I secretly jack off to my daughter,' which he probably heard during the times he spent with his lovely grandfather. Thankfully, because of his baby undeveloped speech, nobody clearly heard it.

Gohan and Adult Trunks have awkward expressions, both being too polite to show their disapproval to their short friend.

Lastly, Bulma's parents are in their own, jolly world.

'Okay, this will do the trick,' Krillin, sweatdrops on his head, thinks and begins telling the joke below:

'Once upon a time, in a kingdom, a peasant had a bet with a friend.

_Wanna bet I can fuck the princess? _he asks.

_Okay, it's a bet, _his friend says.

The peasant goes to apply for a job as a servant at the palace.

_What is your name, lad? _the king asks him.

_Oh, your majesty, it's a weird name and I'm terribly __ashamed,_ he answers.

_Come on, tell me and I promise not to laugh, _the monarch insists.

_My name is Yourdick,_ the peasant says.

_It is a weird name indeed, but anyway, _the king comments.

Later, the queen comes across him.

_What is your name, lad? _she asks.

_Oh, your majesty, it's a weird name and I'm terribly __ashamed,_ he answers.

_Come on, tell me and I promise not to laugh, s_he insists.

_My name__ is Vagina,_ he answers.

_It is a weird name indeed, but anyway, _the queen comments.

Later, he comes across the princess.

_What is your name, lad? _she asks.

_Oh, your highness, it's a weird name and I'm terribly __ashamed,_ she answers.

_Come on, tell me and I promise not to laugh, s_he insists.

_My name__ is Mystomach,_ he answers.

_It is a weird name indeed, but anyway, _the princess comments.

At night, the peasant sneaks into the princesses bedroom and starts fucking her.

_Mom, Mystomach is hurting me,_ the princess yells.

_Well, you shouldn't have eaten so much. Drink __some soda, _the queen suggests.

However, the princess keeps yelling, so her mother goes to her room to see what is going on. When she gets in, she sees the peasant fucking the princess.

_Honey, come here, quick. Vagina is between our __daughter's __legs,_ she screams.

_Well, isn't that where it is supposed to be?_ the king asks, baffled.

However, the queen keeps screaming, so the king goes to see what is going on. When he gets in the princesses room, he sees the peasant, who has just finished and is zipping his fly, ready to jump out of the window.

Then, the king, outraged, screams _Guards, catch __Yourdick and beat him to an inch of his life!'_

Everybody sighs. 'Darn, tough crowd,' Krillin thinks.

Vegeta, who is standing with his back against a tree trunk, thinks 'Not the thing I hoped to see after exiting the spirit room for the second time. Or maybe I haven't entered the spirit room for the second time yet; I mean, who knows where in the name of canonicity those events take place anyway.'

That moment, before the comedian wannabe can attempt anything else, a spaceship lands. Paragus exits, along with some generic soldiers.

'Hello,' he raises his arm, politely but sternly. 'I am a dull, uninspired, generic villain that was created so that one more movie will be released and make more profit for TOEI. I am supposed to be a Saiyan that was missing when Planet Vegeta was destroyed, even though it was clearly mentioned in canon that only four Saiyans survived.'

* * *

_Meanwhile, somewhere beyond space, time and any_

_form of canon logic..._

'I have a faint sensation that this 'More Saiyans survived' trick is kinda overused,' Daiz says to Tullece. 'Next thing they're going to tell us that Vegeta has had a brother all those years who was conveniently never mentioned.'

'Do you know I'm actually Gohan's real father?' Tullece says, not paying attention to the last comment.

Surprisingly, Daiz is not surprised! 'It makes way more sense than Gohan being Kakarrot's son anyway. I mean, who can imagine that guy having sex?'

'What is sex?' Goku's voice resonates across the desert, even though Goku is not physically there. 'Is it something you can eat?'

'Shut up, Kakarrot,' Tullece and Daiz yell in unison.

'It's still a mystery who Goten's father is, though,' Tullece mumbles.

* * *

_Universe 12, a few weeks before Multiverse Tournament..._

Adult Trunks is writing something in his diary: 'Reasons I went back in time. 1. To bang my master's momma. 2. Something about droids.'

* * *

'Listen, your timing is really bad,' Krillin politely explains to Paragus. 'Tomorrow, we've gotta fight a generic villain who will try to defeat us with some sort of gas and ghost warriors before initiating a totally generic final boss battle and, a few days after that, we have Cell Games. I mean, seriously, do all villains have to attack us in the same week? Can't you come back later?'

'Oh, I apologize, I didn't know your schedule is so tight,' Paragus genuinely says, closing his eyes, placing his hand on his chest and bowing. 'But, please, understand that I have come here from far away. It would be a terrible ordeal to go back and then come here again. Besides, it took the writers so many hours to come up with my ingenius plan to destroy you.'

'What plan?' Vegeta asks.

'Well, I was gonna propose to you to become the king of our new Saiyan empire, even though there are hardly any Saiyans left (unless we count those in all fanfics in Fanfiction Net), hoping that your megalomania would just make you fall for that without using any common sense to ponder it first. Then, in case that failed, I would've told you about the one and only Legendary Super Saiyan, thus retconning the previous 'legendary' transformation, which has in the meantime turned into something every Saiyan and their mommas can do.'

'Wow, I have to admit that kind of writing is way better than all previous Dragon Ball movies,' Adult Trunks whispers.

'So, will you come?' Paragus asks, full of hope. 'Come on, it will take just a few minutes before you all die, minus the off screen time.'

'Fine, we'll do you the favor,' Vegeta sighs.

And so, Paragus was killed by his son, Broly, the Legendary Super Saiyan, who was subsequently killed by Goku's TOEI haxed attack.

Next time, the second part of Broly's special.


	12. Broly Special 2

_This story happened in Universes 4, 6, 18 and 20, a while __before Buu Saga. (Or maybe a while after it, who knows, __nothing makes sense in Dragon Ball movies anyway.)_

* * *

Gohan and Vegeta are flying towards the source of the gigantic chi they can feel next to Trunkses and Goten's ones, which are rapidly diminishing.

'We have to hurry,' Vegeta says, sweatdropping.

'The kids are going to die,' Gohan pants, not out of tireness; he's panting out of fear.

Suddenly, he stops abruptly in mid air, causing Vegeta to do the same. With his expression now totally casual, he says: 'Wait a minute, Vegeta, I thought you weren't playing in that movie. And where is Videl anyway?'

'Dunno, man,' Vegeta shrugs, equally casually. 'She said something about being too busy loving you and being 100% faithful to you and sent me in her place.'

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Bulma's bedroom..._

Totally naked, Bulma and Videl are having lesbian sex in scissoring position.

'I'M CUMMIIIING!' Bulma screams. 'AND I'M A THOT!'

'I'M AN EVEN GREATER THOOOOT!' Videl screams, cumming as well.

* * *

'Oh, my sweet angel,' Gohan says, obviously touched.

Then, fear returning to their expressions, the two Saiyans resume flying.

When they arrive, they see Broly, transformed into Legendary Super Saiyan, laughing hysterically. Goten and Trunks are obviously underwater.

'Heh. We're far stronger than we were 7 years ago,' Vegeta comments. 'He poses no threat to us anymore.'

'Vegeta, can't you sense his power has increased as well and, once more, he greatly surpasses us?' Gohan scolds.

'Dunno, man, Dragon Ball characters' ability to properly gauge the opponents' chi was always pretty vague and plot dependent anyway,' Vegeta sighs. 'Now let me do as the movie's badly written script says, brainlessly attacking Broly while you dive underwater to save the kids.'

'On it!' Gohan says and dives while Vegeta begins receiving a beating from Broly.

And so, Gohan searched for his brother and Trunks underwater, until he found out they were being saved by Eighteen while jacking off to her since they were at it.

Thus, Gohan emerged from the water and attacked Broly, transforming into Super Saiyan 2.

'Wow, Gohan's power is as awesome as 7 years ago against Cell,' Vegeta thinks. 'But I'll pretend not to notice it, since, later, at the Budokai, I'll retcon that statement, saying he has been weakened.'

That moment, Piccolo, who also has received a beating from Broly, regenerates his body, showing his feet for the first time on screen.

'Vegeta!' he snaps. 'Do you know what I just thought of?'

'That Salagir is the greatest foot fetish in existence, along with Disney, Dan Schneider and the guys who made _Your __lie __in April_ intro?' Vegeta guesses.

'No! That we can defeat Broly if we push him to the sun with our united blasts,' Piccolo explains.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in Otherworld..._

'I'll go help them too,' Goku announces to King Kai and teleports.

'Which makes you wonder why he didn't help them against Androids in Universes 12 and 14,' King Kai comments.

* * *

_And so, Broly got pushed into the sun and killed, except __in Universe 20, where he came back and killed them all. __Now go and get lives till the next time I update._


	13. KAKARROT!

A group of Vargas and Nameks from Universe 1 (the organizers' universe) are around the iceberg Broly is trapped into. For some reason, he's transformed into LSSJ and his frozen, open eyes have the expression of a murderer about to attack.

'Unfreeze him,' a Varga commands a Namek healer.

'Are you sure this is a good idea?' another Varga asks.

'Come on,' the first Varga laughs. 'He's just a bear sized guy with a psychotic look in his eyes. How dangerous can he be?'

The Namek unfreezes him. Immediatelly, Broly grabs the first Varga by the neck. The second Varga takes a horrified expression, whispering 'I told you so.'

'D-don't be pessimistic,' the first Varga tries to breath in a raspy voice while being choked. 'Maybe this is how people greet one another on his planet.'

The next moment, Broly crushes the first Varga into a pulp.

* * *

In the Vargas' control panel room, one of the bird faced aliens is trying to send Broly back to his universe, but the machine doesn't work. 'QUACK!' he screams, meaning 'FUCK!'.

* * *

'Heh. It would be a shame if such a fight didn't happen because of their stupid rules,' U4 Buu thinks.

'So, how did you manage to make their machinery not work?' he hears a voice in his head. It's U4 Goku, whom Buu absorbed a long time ago in his universe.

'Shut up, Goku,' Buu says in his head.

'But I'm hungry,' U4 Goku complains.

'We've been through that, Kakarrot. We can no longer eat,' U4 Vegeta says in Buu's head.

'Shut up, Vegeta,' Buu says.

'Hey, guys, why doesn't anybody pay attention to me?' a female voice is heard in Buu's head.

'Shut up blondebimbowhomIoncegrewadicktoscrewbeforeabsorbingandIshouldprobablyfindashorternametocallby,' Buu says, really fast.

In the meantime, Broly, who has gone on a rampage, spots U18 Goku. 'KAKARROT!' he screams and charges. U18 members are staring in horror.

'Don't worry, guys, I've got this,' Goku says with a smile and produces a guitar out of nowhere, about to begin playing.

'Dad! What are you doing?' U18 Gohan asks.

'It is common knowledge, son. Duh!' Goku says with a presumptuous expression. 'Playing the guitar while singing about love and friendship can solve all problems in the world and cause any evil person to see the light. Have you never watched _Elena __of Avalor_?'

'I knew that helping him subscribe to that satelite tv with Disney channel was such a bad idea,' Gohan sighs.

With Broly about to deliver a punch that will mean death if it connects to Goku, the Saiyan from Universe 18, still in his base form, is about to start singing _Let love light __the way. _The retarded Saiyan shall never realize how close to death he came, since, that moment, Vegetto fires a continuous blast that acts as a barrier between Broly and U18 Goku.

The confused Saiyan from Universe 20 turns and looks at Vegetto, who shuffles his hair, trying to make it look like Goku's. 'Hey, Broly, look. I'm the real Kakarrot!' he calls out.

Broly stares. He scratches his head. 'Kaka... rot?' he asks in confusion.

'Umm, yeah,' Vegetto continues, trying to make his voice sound like Goku's as much as possible. 'I'm Kakarrot. I love bacon, I'm extremely stupid and I'm totally oblivious whenever my wife cheats on me with Tullece and whenever my student child molests my grand daughter!'

Despite how ridiculous the above sounded, Broly seems convinced. Fury returning to his face, he screams 'KAKARROT!' and attacks Vegetto.

'Hell yes!' the fused Saiyan says in his head and transforms into SSJ1.


	14. What's left of a fic without fanservice?

Above the stadium where the first and last multiverse tournament is taking place, the two strongest beings in the omniverse are fighting: Vegetto and Broly.

'What about me?'

Go away, Beerus. You don't exist in this fanfic.

As the fight becomes more and more intense, the fighters and spectators down below are watching, awed.

'Vegeta!' U13 Nappa snaps. 'What does the scouter say about their po...'

The annoyed monarch from Universe 13 knocks him out cold before he can finish the sentence above.

'Are you going to continue in this tournament?' Sixteen asks U12 Trunks.

'Of course,' the smiling lad nods. 'I never expected to go all the way anyway.'

'Are we gonna quit, boss?' Zangya asks Bojack.

'Nope,' the mutant who killed Gohan in his universe answers, arms crossed. 'You haven't been involved in any hentai scene yet, Zangya. What are our loyal readers supposed to say?'

'So we're gonna stay just so that Hector and the 4-5 degenerates who are reading this fanfic will get some fapping material at my expense?' the redhead protests.

'Hey, I'm not the one who writes the plot,' Bojack reminds her.

'Hah. Look how afraid all those cowards are,' Babidi says. 'But not you, Buu. Those two fighters are nothing to you. Am I right?'

'Buu,' the djinn from Universe 11 answers.

'Power levels are bullshit!' Babidi snaps. 'Just go out there and win this tournament.'

'Buu,' the djinn protests.

'You can't sue me at the djinns' rights organization,' Babidi points. 'You turned all its members into candies and ate them, long ago.'

Buu's eyes widen as he recalls that incident. He facepalms in despair.

* * *

Meanwhile, Broly's chi is increasing and increasing.

'Wow. Vegetto is done for,' U18 Piccolo comments.

'For some reason, it does not occur to me that he might be ale to go past Super Saiyan 1 level, although Gotenks could do it easily and I used to be part of Vegetto anyway so, logically, I should know about his capabilities,' U18 Vegeta says.

Finally, Vegetto transformed into Super Saiyan 3 and pushed Broly miles away from the stadium with a fancy blast haxed by the combined mystic forces of TOEI and Salagir and accompanied by an illusion of Cocoa Amaguri performing fellatio on Shenron. (Note: It was supposed to be Ariana Grande, but Fanfiction Net's stupid rules forbid me from using real life celebrities.)

Right after that, Buu teleported to outer space, intending to absorb Broly. Of course, Vegetto tried to stop him.

But he was too tired, so the Gohan and Bra from his universe came to his help.

'Har har. Do you think you can outlast me in the vacuum of space?' Buu says, triumphantly. 'You need to breath, sooner or later, inferior life forms.'

Our heroes seem doomed. But, siddenly, resolve is ignited in Bra's eyes. 'I'm not gonna die here!' she declares determinedly. 'I'm going to transform into a Super Saiyan 2!'

'No, Bra!' Vegetto yells, alerted. 'I have forbidden you to do that.'

'Is it because I go slightly out of mind when I'm in this form?' the girl wonders.

'No. It's because that yellow, spiked hair makes you look so hot that nobody can resist you. Not even I and your brother,' Vegetto reminds her.

'Well, too bad,' Bra clenches her teeth, about to transform.

'Oh no, here come incestuous fantasies again,' Gohan sighs.

Bra transforms into SSJ2. Just picture her. Man, she's so hot. And... umm... I'm sorry, I need to use the bathroom. Just to pee! I swear!

* * *

So, where were we? Oh, yes, while I was in the bathroom, SSJ2 Bra prevented Buu from absorbing Broly and U9 Yamcha revealed he's a cyborg and flirted a little with Eighteen during the match. Whatever. Bye till next time.


	15. Rules screwed?

At Universe 8 balcony, the Icers look troubled after having witnessed the epic Broly vs Vegetto fight.

'Papa, I think we're outclassed here,' Freeza points.

'We're not leaving!' Cold says firmly, arms crossed.

'How come?' Coola asks.

'Definitely not because I'm Ginyu and hope to take a more powerful, preferably female, body in this tournament and leave Universe 8 and get rid of you two annoying shits and possibly indulge into my homo fantasies,' Cold answers really fast.

'What?' Freeza raises an eyebrow.

'NOTHING!' Cold blushes.

* * *

The next fight is, by coincidence, one between two members from the same Universe. Universe 2 is one that doesn't make much sense. Not that the rest of this fanfic does, but you know what I mean.

'And now, Arale shall face Seto Kaiba,' the announcer declares.

A little girl too awkward looking to turn on even a disgusting pedophile shows up at the arena.

'Woo hoo. I'm ready for wrestling,' the blue haired infant cries.

Across from the girl, a formally dressed man whose hairstyle makes him look like a brunette version of Trunks is standing.

'BEGIN!' the referee commands.

Arale is about to charge at Kaiba when he places some cards on a duel disc attached to his arm.

'I SUMMON ALL MY THREE BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGONS!' he yells, taking an unnecessary anime pose.

Three gigantic, white creatures appear, shaking the stadium with their roars.

Arale points a finger at them and, with an innocent, childlike expression, asks: 'Wait a minute. Did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?'

'Yes,' Kaiba answers casually. 'So?'

'That's against the rules. Ain't it?' Arale wonders.

Kaiba is about to answer, but the referee interrupts and says: 'Actually, no, miss Arale. In this tournament, a fighter can use external help as long as they have entered the ring alone.'

'Hey, I was going to say _Screw the rules, I have money,' _Kaiba protests.

'But, this is the point, mister Kaiba,' the referee explains. 'You did not violate any rules, so...'

'It doesn't matter!' Kaiba cries. 'I wanted to say it. I wanted to say it so bad! I look so cool when I say it. And yet you had to go and ruin my cool moment.'

Awkward silence. The Varga sweatdrops. 'Umm, I'm terribly sorry, mister Kaiba. I had no idea you felt like that. You can say it if you want it so...'

'Now, it's too late,' Kaiba bursts into tears. 'Now, even if I say it, it won't be cool. You ruined it. Shame on you!'

The tycoon curls into a fetal position and cries. For a while, the total silence renders Kaiba's sobs audible.

Suddenly, a guy with multicolored hair in a totally crazy hairstyle gets on the arena and pats Kaiba on the back. 'There there, Kaiba,' he says.

Seto raises his eyes. 'Yugi,' he sobs. 'Only you can understand me. Only you can make me feel good. Yugi... I have always loved you.'

'Kaiba,' Yugi answers. 'I have always known!'

The two of them share a passionate homo kiss.

'Come on, let's forget about this stupid tournament,' Yugi proposes.

Yugi and Kaiba ride one of the blue eyes white dragons, which subsequently flies away, towards the horizon, under a lovely sunset (even though there is not supposed to be any sun in this universe).

'Err... contestant Kaiba left the arena, so contestant Arale wins,' the announcer manages to utter.

'Big brother,' Mokuba, who showed up in one of the balconies out of nowhere calls out. 'Is it time for my...'

'SHUT UP, MOKUBA!' all universes fighters yell in unison and annihilate him with their united blasts.


	16. Please, don't disrupt our council

At a hall, I'm standing on an elevated platform and, using a microphone, talking to the audience. 'Greetings, my loyal readers. I welcome you all to our council. It's an honor for all of you to be present at a discussion about the most masterpiecious DBZ Fanfic in the history of Fanfiction Net. Yes, it is my fanfic that deserves this title. MINE! Not _Bringer of death.'_

I take a break, eat a cookie and continue: 'I mean, what does that fanfic with over 7000 reviews have that mine doesn't? Am I right, my large audience?'

At that moment, the camera shows the seats, which are totally empty, except two, occupied by Thewittywhy and a nameless, fat, sweaty man wearing a white, stained, sleeveless shirt and eating a burito.

'HECTOR, YOU'RE THE BEST!' Thewittywhy yells, waving a banner.

'Err... okay, I admit the number of my readers is a tad smaller than the number of people that read _Bringer of __death_,' I comment and add: 'Which is totally unfair, because I'm a writing genius and my fics should be way more successful than anyone elses.'

Then, pointing a finger at Thewittywhy, I ask: 'So, let me select a person at random among this vast audience... you, for example. Tell us, how can we make more people read my fics, thus giving me the glory I deserve? Any ideas?'

'I LOVE YOU, HECTOR. I WANT TO BEAR YOUR CHILD!' Thewittywhy screams enthusiastically.

'You're not helping,' I sigh.

'Hey, dude,' the fat man raises his hand to draw my attention, among disgusting burps and with his mouth full. 'Shouldn't you show us the next chapter of your Dragon Ball Multiverse Abridged?'

'It's not worth it,' I reply. 'If I'm not mistaken, right now, U4 Buu is fighting U19 Xeniloum. Nothing interesting is going on.'

'Well, show us,' the fatso insists.

'Okay,' I sigh and press a button on a remote control, turning on the screen next to me. 'Let's see what this fight is about.'

Everybody's eyes turn to the screen.

* * *

'With this armor, I will defeat you, Buu,' Xeniloumdeclares tr iumphantly. 'This armor is not like the one we used against Uub. This is the super armor. No one can defeat it.'

'Absorb,' Buu casually says and sends a part of his body to Xeniloum. Buu's part engulfs him for a moment, thus stripping him of his armor and leaving him almost naked. Then it reattaches to Buu, who thus successfully absorbs the armor.

'Okay, now you have made me mad!' Xeniloum yells after his initial surprise. He snaps his finger and gets somehow instantly dressed in another armor. 'This is the super mega armor,' he declares. 'You will never defeat me as long as I'm wearing it!'

'Absorb,' Buu sighs casually and absorbs it the same way as before.

'NOW I'M REALLY MAD!' Xeniloum snaps his fingers again and materializes another armor. 'Face the wrath of the super mega giga armor.'

* * *

'Yeah, as I said, nothing of interst is going on there right now,' I comment while taking my eyes off the screen.

I turn back to my audience: 'So, where were we?'

That moment, someone bursts in. It's Salagir!

'Uh oh. He looks mad,' Thewittywhy says.

'He's probably annoyed that you ridiculed his fancomic,' the nameless fatso says, keeping eating his burito indifferently.

'Well, it will be hard for him to express his frustration,' I chuckle. 'Judging from his comic's English translation, I wouldn't say he can really speak English fluently.'

'You is mistake, mister,' Salagir protests. 'Me speaks Englishmen very perfect. Nobody speako Englishmen as perfect like I does!'

A moment of awkward silence, with Salagir panting of rage, his finger pointed at me.

'Let's check what is going on at the arena,' I finally say and turn our attention back to the screen.

* * *

'Okay, that does it!' Xeniloum snaps. 'Now I will show you the super mega giga choco turbo omg specstatic armor!'

Guess what happens next!

'Darn, why didn't Salagir use a female character in this fight?' one of the spectators wonders. 'That would be a hell of fanservice, with all this forced striptease.'

* * *

'Yeah, seriously, why didn't you?' I ask Salagir. 'Sometimes, I think you lack even common sense, boy.'

'Me does not lacking commonful sensible at all, mister!' Salagir protests.

That moment, Salagir's two children, a boy and a girl, enter.

'Quit trying, dad,' the boy says.

'Shut up, Broly,' Salagir says to the boy.

'I think he's right, dad,' the girl says.

'Shut up, Broly,' Salagir says to the girl.


	17. Cell special

_This story happened in Universe 17._

* * *

As Cell Games approach an end, the two greatest powers in Universe 17, Gohan and Cell, are having a beam clash, the former firing one handed because of his injury. Cell is obviously superior and is going to win.

Z fighters are watching, helpless. 'It seems Kakkarot's brat is done for,' Vegeta thinks. 'Perhaps I should go and help him somewhow. Such as, dunno, by going behind Cell and distracting him with a blast or something.'

A few seconds pass, Vegeta staring indifferently, blinking from time to time. 'I mean, seriously,' he resumes in his head. 'Any effort of mine would be preferable to just standing here and staring like an idiot, which is exactly what I'm doing right now.'

More seconds pass, Vegeta just standing there and watching, blinking from time to time.

Meanwhile, Cell is almost there. 'HAR HAR, thanks for all the good moments. Goodbye!' He cries triumphantly.

'Uungh, I can't go on anymore,' Gohan struggles, clenching teeth.

'Hang in there, son,' Goku (currently in the afterlife) encourages Gohan. 'You haven't used all your power yet. Get angry and release your hidden power.'

'Dad, I already did that in order to transform into Super Saiyan 2,' Gohan reminds him.

'Oh,' Goku says sadly. And, one second later, he cries cheerfully: 'Then use your enraged power on top of your Super Saiyan 2 power.'

'Dad, I already did that to produce that blast in the first place despite my injuries,' Gohan reminds him.

'Oh,' Goku says sadly. And, one second later, he cries cheerfully: 'Then use your enraged power on top of your enraged power on top of your Super Saiyan 2 power!'

'Dad, drop it!' Gohan sighs. 'I just don't have any more hidden power. Okay? Deal with it.'

'NO, SON, you have to do something!' Goku cries.

However, Gohan resigns to his fate and gets engulfed by Cell's blast.

After a few moments of mourning for the poor child, the Z fighters decide to make a last stand.

'Come on, bitches,' Cell provokes them. 'To show you how tough I am, I'll take all your blasts at once.'

Each Z fighter prepares his most powerful blast, then they all fire simultaneously.

'FINAL FLASH!' Vegeta cries.

'TRI BEAM!' Tenshinhan cries.

'KAMEHAMEHA!' Krillin cries.

'KAMEHAMEHA!' Yamcha cries.

'NAMELESS BLAST WHICH NEVER WORKS BUT I USE ANYWAY BECAUSE IT LOOKS SO COOL!' Piccolo cries, firing the same blast he used againt Cell's 1st form.

All blasts unite and produce a deafening explosion.

As the Z fighters wait for the smoke to dissipate, so that they can see the aftermath, they hear a voice behind: 'Err hem, here I am, gentlemen. I dodged!'

Everybody turns around and sees Cell.

'Wait a minute, didn't you provoke us to fire our ultimate blasts in order to show how tough you are?' Vegeta asks.

'Yes,' Cell nods. 'And I dodged them.'

'But doesn't dodging them instead of taking them defeat the purpose of showing how tough you are?' Vegeta asks.

A moment of awkward silence. Cell sweatdrops.

'Just die,' he says really fast and kills everybody but Krillin within the next two seconds. Then he drags the dwarf to outer space.

'YOU MOTHERFUCKER!' Krillin yells. 'You killed all my friends. I'll avenge them. I'll cut you into pieces with a kienzan. I'll...'

'We're in outer space,' Cell reminds him. 'Aren't you supposed to vomit blood and die under those conditions?'

'Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm sorry,' Krillin chuckles awkwardly.

The very next moment, he takes a horrified expression and dies, vomitting blood.

And so, Cell lived happily ever after and had a lot of beautiful children.


	18. Zup, I'm a typical ecchi main character

'Darn, when will this fucking first round of the tournament end?' U18 Vegeta moans. 'It feels like I've been standing here for two years.'

'Actually, it's been only three weeks since this fanfic started, Vegeta,' U18 Gohan points.

'Which makes this _two years _line not as successful a 4th wall breaking joke as it was in the original Dragon Ball Multiverse,' U18 Bra adds.

'It's the writer's fault,' U18 Trunks comments. 'It's been barely three weeks and we have 18 chapters already. I mean, seriously, how can this guy update every day?Doesn't he have a life? Doesn't he have a college to attend? A living to make? A girlfriend to fuck? Is he really that pathetic a loser that his only purpose in life is to sit in his parents' basement, updating his fanfic and waiting till Chocolatecookiecream updates _Anna's __Adventures_?'

Before someone, anyone, can answer Trunks, the announcer declares the next match: U9 Tenshinhan vs U2 Kirito.

The kinda aged, bald monk from the humans' dominated universe looks at his opponent across from him, a boy with black, spiked hair that is wearing a black cape.

'Hello,' Tenshinhan introduces himself politely. 'My name is Tenshinhan and I have devoted my life to martial arts.'

'Zup,' the boy raises a hand indifferently, dragging a sword with the other as if it's just a burden. 'My name is Kirito or Kazuto or something and every girl that lays eyes on me craves my dick, but I'm extremely oblivious to that, because I'm stupid and probably asexual.'

'Darn, so true,' one of the two Gotens clenches a fist in frustration. 'I mean, seriously, what are _Sword Art _creators thinking? What's the point of keeping producing one game after another where Kirito beds all the chicks if he never fucks anyone? Hell it's even debatable whether he has ever fucked Asuna!'

Meanwhile, Tenshinhan is firing one attack after another: punches, kicks, generic blasts, dodon rays, tri beams. Kirito is just standing there, scratching his spiky head, blinking, nothing fazing him.

'Darn!' Tenshinhan is panting. 'Why can't my attacks even scratch you? Are you really that strong?'

'That's totally expected, man,' Kirito explains. 'I'm a level 78 fighter whereas you're merely a level 1 fighter. Go to the plains and fight some monsters or something in order to gain EXP points.'

'But this is not a SAO simulator!' Tien cries. 'Your in game level does not apply here. You must have cheated somehow.'

'Dunno, man,' Kirito shrugs. 'I'm not sure about anything. I'm too busy being stupid and indifferent and asexual and oblivious to all the girls wanting my dick.'

'Okay, Kirito is disqualified,' a Varga announces. 'The organizers decided that he freaks them out too much and they don't want him in the tournament.'

Some people among the spectators whisper, believing it's unfair that the boy got disqualified.

'Whatever, I don't really care about this tournament,' Kirito shrugs as he walks away. 'As I said, the only things I really care about are to be stupid and asexual and oblivious every time a girl who wants my dick tries to seduce me in my bed.'


	19. Sweet revenge

'The next match is U16 Son Bra vs U6 Zangya,' the announcer says.

'Yes,' Bra smiles, punching her palm with her other hand. 'This is the perfect opportunity to avenge Pan's death. I'll make that Zangya chick suffer. I'll rip out her intestines and use them as a lasso. I'll...'

'BRA! Time out!' Vegetto yells and drags her to their universes room so that they can talk in private.

'You won't hurt her,' he says in a tone of voice that makes this sound practically like an order.

'But, dad, this is the perfect opportunity for revenge,' Bra complains.

'Bojack is the one you want revenge against, not Zangya,' Vegetto points.

'So what?' Bra slams her hand against the table, surprisingly not breaking it. 'When someone acts like a jerk, their whole group has to pay. When Adam and Eve bit the apple, didn't God punish the whole humanity?'

'First of all, this never happened,' Vegetto sighs.

'But it's written in the Bible,' Bra points. 'Since it's written in the Bible, it definitely happened.'

'Why?'

'Because Bible is the word of God, so anything in there is true.'

'And how do you know that Bible is the word of God?'

'Because it says so in the Bible!'

A moment of awkward silence. Vegetto sweatdrops.

'You won't hurt her. End of discussion,' he says.

'Fine,' Bra sighs. 'You're so uncool, dad.'

* * *

Bra and Zangya are standing across from each other.

'This will be fun,' Bojack's 'girlfriend' thinks. 'Let's provoke her a little, just for the fun of it. It's not like my life is in danger here. I mean, it's safe to assume she's pretty weak. Her father having become so strong that he warped gravity and phyisical laws before hardly classifies as a warning sign of her strength.'

'So, are you ready to meet your friend in Heaven?' the blue skinned girl smiles.

Bra growls.

'Uh oh, bad start,' Vegetto thinks.

Nevertheless, Bra manages to stay calm.

'Whew,' Vegetto sighs, eyes closed.

However, Zangya is not done yet: 'Even though I don't think there is any kind of afterlife in this universe. And, even if there was, your little friend would probably go to Hell, being the thot she was. She became a laughing stock among the audience when her condoms scattered around.'

'Shut... up...' Bra clenches her fists and growls.

'Wow, she's still able to control herself,' Zangya thinks. 'In that case, I'll go really too far. I'll tell her something that would make mad even the most collected person in the world.'

Zangya takes the most provocative expression she can, leans towards Bra and whispers: 'I spoiled _Orphan's _plot online!'

'YOU WICKED CALLOUS BITCH!' Bra screams and kills Zangya with a kiai.

Then she returns to her balcony. 'You did what you could, Bra,' Vegetto pats his panting daughter on the shoulder.

'Anyone who reveals to unsuspecting viewers that (Author's interfrerence: SPOILER ALERT) Esther was actually called Leena Clammer and was a 33 year old woman in the body of a 9 year old girl does not deserve to live,' Bra yells.

Her family sweatdrops. 'Err, honey,' Vegetto says hesitantly. 'You just spoiled Orhpan's plot as well. And you did so so loudly that the whole audience heard you.'

Bra widens her eyes and looks around. People in the audience are mumbling curses. 'Whoops,' she giggles awkwardly.


	20. Do or die or whatever

Right now, the fight between U12 Sixteen and U19 Eleim is on. The Heloite has pinned the android to the ground with some gravity device embedded in his armor.

'Give up now, or I'll finish you off,' he threatens.

'No,' Sixteen replies in his robotic tone of voice.

'Sixteen!' U12 Trunks cries, worried. 'You have done all you could. Give up!'

'Why are you so stubborn?' Eleim asks, trying not to show his concern but remain threatening instead.

'My sense of honor shall not allow me to resign,' Sixteen answers, not showing any fear. 'I will gladly accept being hit by your blast and going to the shadow realm instead.'

Trunks sweatdrops as Eleim charges his finishing blast and says in his head: 'I have to save my planet, even if that means reducing a totally sentient being, albeit a mechanical one, into pieces.'

'Err, Sixteen, I don't know how to break this to you, but you won't go to the Shadow Realm,' Trunks tries, awkwardly. 'You'll just die.'

The fallen Sixteen turns his head to his comrade. 'Wait, what?' he says, really fast and having taken a more human expression, but retaining his robotic tone of voice nonetheless.

'I have began charging my blast,' Eleim cries. 'It is too late to stop it now, even if I wanted to!'

'Are you sure blasts do not send you to the shadow realm?' Sixteen asks, his robotic voice now revealing some concern.

'Err... almost totally sure,' Trunks sweatdrops. 'Powerful blasts mean death.'

'What about having your head reduced to a pulp by a kick coming from a vastly superior opponent?' Sixteen asks, now talking very fast. 'Doesn't this mean you go to the shadow realm either?'

'Nope. This means death too!'

'What about an opponent's fist piercing through your abdomen?'

'Still death!'

'What if I selfdestruct with the bomb Gero implanted in me?'

'So death!'

'The blast is almost fully charged,' Eleim's cry interrupts their conversation.

Sixteen has a pensive expression for a while. 'Isn't this fanfic written by 4kids?' he finally talks to Trunks again.

'Err... no,' the Saiyan keeps feeling awkward.

'Crap baskets, I think I just made a fucking terrible mistake,' Sixteen says really fast, horrified but still in his robotic tone of voice nonetheless.

Before he can finish the sentence above, the blast annihilates him.

Trunks remains silent, grieving for his friend. 'Don't worry,' U1 South Kaioshin pats him on the back. 'He'll come back to life with the dragonballs later.'

'But I thought that dragonballs cannot revive mechanical beings,' Trunks wipes a tear.

'And I thought that a soccer manager of Jose Mourinho's caliber would have enough dignity to leave by himself when everyone in the squad hates his guts instead of waiting till they fire him so that he gets his millions of dollars worth of compensation,' South Kai replies. And, patting Trunks once more, he continues meaningfully: 'Obviously, we both were wrong.'

* * *

_Bonus: A scene from the (never aired on TV) 4Kids' version __of Dragon Ball..._

Cell is about to fire his ultimate kamehameha.

'No, this will send us all to the shadow realm,' Krillin cries, terrified.

'Har har, this blast is powerful enough to send to the shadow realm not just the Earth but also the entire solar system!' Cell cries.


	21. Bojack special

Thousands of years ago (at about the same time Hanasia novel was last updated), a gang of absolutely generic villains called Bojack gang would go around the universe, spreading horror with their genericness.

At some point, the Kais decided that this should stop, so they sealed them into King Kai's planet, which King Kai conveniently never mentioned, not even after his planet was destroyed, which would make you think the first thing he would do was to warn Z fighters about the imminent danger.

Also, if Kais interfrering with the matters of mortals is against the rules, why did they decide to seal Bojack's gang in the first place? And why didn't they do the same thing to other villains, such as Freeza? Darn, this makes so little sense that it hurts! Well, welcome to a Dragon Ball movie, honeys!

* * *

Bojack is giving Gohan a lovely, affectionate hug. A bear hug, that is! Breaking his bones in the proccess!

'Har har, you'll die,' Bojack laughs, enjoying the kid's screams of pain.

Suddenly, Gohan smiles. 'I was kidding,' he says.

'Huh?'

'This doesn't hurt at all. You're not strong enough to damage me.'

Bojack lets go of him. 'In that case, look at yourself in the mirror,' he says and produces a handheld mirror out of nowhere.

Gohan looks at his reflection. 'GOSH, I'm so ugly. I look like a retarded meth addict. Who drew this special?'

Unable to take his ugliness, Gohan vomits blood and dies.

Seriously, Salagir should pick more carefully those who draw the specials.

The camera back to Bojack, who's now wearing a black, carnival mask, for some reason. Or at least that's what the way he's drawn makes him look like. 'Hey, everybody, look at me. I'm Batman!'

'LIAR,' a scream is heard as Piccolo (also wearing the same mask) charges at him. 'I'm the real Batman.'

* * *

_Meanwhile, in a Nickelodeon universe..._

'I'm the real Batman!' Cat giggles.

'No, Cat, you're not,' Sam sighs.

'Aw,' Cat says, disappointed.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in another, unidentified, Dragon Ball universe..._

'Vegeta!' Nappa cries. 'What does the scouter say about the batmaness level of this special?'

'IT'S OVER 9000!'

* * *

With Piccolo's corpse next to him, Bojack is staring at Vegeta, who's preparing his final flash, taking some unneccessary anime poses and producing some unnecessary dramatic cries.

Bido is standing in front of his master. 'Are you sure I can take this, lord Bojack?' he asks, a little uncertain.

'Yeah, dude, no worries, I'm here too,' Bojack comforts him. 'I'm having your back. We'll deflect this blast together.'

Vegeta fires the final blast. The last moment, Bojack gets out of the way. Bido's eyes bulge in terror as he tries to deflect the blast himself. 'But... but you said we'd do it together...' he cries.

'Well, there is a thing called lying, which often makes your life easier,' Bojack calls out as Bido's body is disintegrated.

Next, he procceeds to kill the exhausted Vegeta.

* * *

Goku meets his friends in the afterlife, before King Yenma, the gargantuan orge who judges the dead.

'Sorry, dad,' Gohan says, his head lowered in shame. 'This time, Sixteen wasn't there to have his head crushed to a pulp or something for my sake, so that I could release my hidden power.'

'No worries, son,' Goku laughs. 'We'll strike back. I'm pretty sure King Yenma is nice enough of a guy to let us to the living world for one more day.' And, turning to the judge of dead for confirmation, he asks: 'Right, dude?'

A moment of silence.

'Actually, I'm a jerk, so I won't let you go back,' he says casually.

Another moment of silence and gag sweatdrops.

'Oh... so what are we going to do now?' Tenshinhan says.

'Dunno, kiddos, enjoy your afterlife,' King Yenma shrugs. 'Eat cookies, play Mario Kart, have sex...'

Suddenly, a green skinned fighter appears out of nowhere.

'Zup, Goku?' he greets casually.

A moment of silence.

'Umm, do I know you?' Goku scratches his head.

'Of course!' the fighter chuckles. 'I'm Pikuhan.'

'I don't remember you.'

'We fought in the Otherworld tournament final!'

'Still doesn't ring a bell.'

'Oh, come on, just because our meeting was an anime filler which made zero sense and was written by guys who didn't know shit about power levels doesn't mean I don't exist!'

More silence and indifferent looks.

'Maybe he's a Yoshi,' Piccolo says.

'Fuck you,' Pikuhan whispers and disappears.

More silence and sweatdrops.

'Wanna guys go and get some tacos?' Vegeta asks.

Some of the Z fighters answer in unison, saying 'Sure' or 'Great idea' and, the very next moment, everyone disappears, leaving King Yenma alone.

'I hate this job,' the giant moans.


	22. Hidden characters and boners

The next fight is U9 Videl vs U8 King Cold. 'The competition level in this tournament is higher than I expected,' the monarch thinks. 'I have to drop my restricted form.'

And so, he transforms into his 3rd form.

'Dad!' Coola exclaims. 'I didn't know you can control your 3rd form.'

'I'm not Ginyu,' a startled Cold instinctively squeals, only to gulp, clear his throat, take a more appropriate expression and continue: 'I mean, I trained, son. I trained hard and managed it.'

The Icer monarch lands at the arena, across from his female opponent, her outfit and ponytail making her look ultra hot. She's holding a sword which is easy for Kais to recognize.

In the organizers' (Universe 1) balcony, most gods are shocked that a mere mortal can wield Z Sword.

'You know,' North Kai explains, 'I have always theorized that there was a protective barrier around Z Sword that prevented Kais from lifting it, so that the one who would finally pull it out of the rock would be someone from the lower realm.'

'Oh, are we playing the online theories game?' West Kai (the female one) claps in enthusiasm. 'Is it my turn now?'

'No, I just tried to...' North Kai replies, but his west counterpart is too excited to stop, so she starts stating all the online theories she believes into:

'Krabby Patty is whale meat, Ash Ketchum is in a coma...'

* * *

'KAIOKEN,' U9 Videl yells and charges at Cold.

Meanwhile, in U17 balcony, a blonde guy from the audience approaches Cell: 'Hey, Cell. My name is Joey Wheeler and I'm a big fan of yours. But something has been bugging me. How come you have never used kaioken?'

'I don't know,' Cell shrugs, arms crossed. 'How come you always make that stupid _nyeh _sound?'

'Nyeh? What stupid nyeh sound?'

* * *

'Wow,' U12 Trunks whispers. 'If I had let him transform back then, he'd have raped me in the ass.'

'I thought Icers have no genitalia,' Sixteen (who's returned to life thanks to plot power) says, confused.

Trunks rolls his eyes.

* * *

At U1 balcony, all Kais are shocked that King Cold managed to break the Z Sword. Well, all except the west one, who is still preoccupied with stating all online theories she believes into: 'Jade and Moose had sex after the end of _Three girls and a Moose _episode, Scar is Nala's father, Mal was right all along at Inception, Rapunzel and Elsa are twins, Bart Simpson has fairly oddparents, Lewellen was pregnant after being raped at Hounddog, Crazy Steve is Cat's brother, Kaiba is gay, Mushu couldn't wake up the Great Stone Dragon because he was the Great Stone Dragon himself, Loud House kids are rabbits that Lisa transformed into humans and then altered their memories as well as her parents'...'

'Err, sorry to interrupt you,' Grand Kai says. 'But, while you were talking, an old Kaioshin came out of Videl's broken sword, Cold transformed again and Videl gave up.'

'Oh well,' West Kai shrugs.


	23. Visions from the future

'So, this sword definitely emanates an aura of heroism. Right?' Tapion asks Raichi, at U3 balcony, referring to the Z Sword U9 Videl was wielding before.

Raichi looks at him as if he sees him for the first time. 'Are you Link?'

'Umm, no, I'm Tapion,' the lad answers, kinda offended that Raichi doesn't remember him. 'You know, the one you've been hanging out with practically every day since several years ago.'

Raichi blinks indifferently. 'Are you sure you're not Link?' he asks.

Tapion facepalms. Since old age started affecting his memory, Raichi rarely remembers much more than his hatred of Saiyans and his attempts to finally manage to write a lemon fanfic with Link being seduced by Jolene.

'The next fight is U3 Bardock vs U13 Raditz,' the announcer interrupts the lad's thoughts.

'What? A Saiyan was here too?' Raichi exclaims as Bardock comes out of the shadows and passes by him. 'I hate your kind, trash.'

Bardock stops and turns his head to the old man. 'Really?' he chuckles. 'Is it because we destroyed your race, Tsufuls?'

'No,' Raichi answers. 'It's because none of you has reviewed my lemon fanfic with Link and Jolene.'

'But you haven't written it yet,' Bardock sighs.

'DON'T TRY TO FIND EXCUSES!' Raichi yells.

The Saiyan rolls his eyes and continues walking to the arena. There, he meets U13 Raditz.

'I hate you, father. Time for revenge,' the younger Saiyan says, pointing a finger at his dad from another universe.

'You too?' Bardock sighs. 'I hope that, at least you, have a justifiable reason for hating me.'

'I do!' Raditz yells, clenching a fist and raising it to chin level. 'I have a super justifiable reason. You fucked my mother!'

A moment of silence until Bardock processes the stupidity.

'I guess he really has the IQ of a radish, hence the name,' he mumbles. No sooner has he finished that sentence than a gigantic tail strikes him, almost knocking him off bounds.

Bardock manages to correct himself in the air, even though he's rubbing his face, with his eyes closed, in pain. 'Holy shit, when did you transform into Oozaru?' he cries.

'Off screen, baby,' Raditzes voice resonates, distorted by his transformation.

'Then fuck you, baby!' Bardock yells and transforms into Super Saiyan.

'It's over,' he says, calmer. 'My base form was stronger than yours to begin with and, on top of that, Super Saiyan wields a far greater boost than Oozaru. Moreover, your gargantuan form reduces speed...'

The next moment, Raditz has gone behind him. 'FUCK POWER LEVELS, BABY,' he roars and punches his father in the back, sending him crashing on a mountain.

That moment, Bardock's future seeing powers are activated. He has visions. Vegetto, a mad look on his face, is holding his seemingly dead son by the neck and threatening everybody. Piccolo states that all universes are in danger.

'There is more where this came from,' Raditzes voice interrupts the vision.

Bardock turns to him, horrified. Raditz can tell his father's distress was not caused by the blow he received. 'What's wrong?' he asks, curious.

'I had visions from the future. AGAIN!' Bardock says, panting in fear. 'It's horrible. How are we ever going to face this predicament?'

'What did you see?' Raditz asks, worried.

'Chris Savino is going to be accused of sexual harassment and fired from Nickelodeon,' Bardock answers, his voice trembling. Then, taking a totally casual expression, he adds, really fast, 'Oh, I almost forgot, also Vegetto will go on a rampage and destroy all universes.'

'GOSH, this is horrible,' Raditz exclaims. 'What will happen with Loud House without Chris Savino?'

'By the way, die,' Bardock says and knocks him unconscious with one punch.


	24. Bardock special

_Starting from today, we'll take a few chapter long break __from the main action in order to tell U3 Bardock's story._

* * *

In Freeza's private chamber, we see the tyrant drinking wine and chatting with Dodoria and Zarbon.

'Saiyans' strength is increasing and increasing, Lord Freeza,' Zarbon informs him. 'Although, individually, they remain weaklings compared to many of your henchmen, such as me and my pal, Dodo, let alone you, my lord, their combined power might pose a threat in the future.'

Freeza remains pensive for a while. He has a sip of wine. A little too sour for his taste. Then he takes out his cellphone and writes a memorandum...

_Things I have to do today: 1. Switch to another brand __of wine, 2. Destroy Saiyans' planet._

'Then those monkeys shall be exterminated,' he says out loud to inform his escort.

'All of them?' Zarbon enquires.

'We shall keep only Vegeta, not King Vegeta, the other Vegeta, the cute, little one, his tutor, Nappa, and Bardock's offsprings,' Freeza answers.

A few moments of silence, during which the three of them are gazing indifferently outside of the window, as if they don't have a single care in the world.

'Guys, do you know what I just realized?' Dodoria exclaims at some point.

A few more moments of silence. Seeing he'll get no reply, the pink fatso continues: 'That, if Zarbon hadn't said that, Freeza wouldn't have decided to exterminate the Saiyans, which is the whole reason that Dragon Ball happened! Dragon Ball would have never taken place! Akira Toriyanma would have never become successful, rich and famous. He would have ended up a depressed, homeless, alchoholic. His wife would have abandoned him. His daughter would have become a hooker and pathetic degenerates would form queues at the brothel she would work at in order to creampie her. In conclusion, all degenerates around the world, such as Hector Fenwick, will now logically curse at Zarbon, since it's because of him that they'll never taste the pussy of Akira's daughter!'

Dodoria stops to take a breath while Zarbon and Freeza keep gazing indifferently outside.

Zarbon's eyes avert to his peer. 'Did you just say something?' he asks casually.

'Nope,' Dodoria answers, taking a totally casual expression as well.

'Dismissed,' Freeza declares and beckons to his henchmen to go away.

As the two of them exit the chamber, Dodoria's eyes widen upon a sudden realization. 'Wait, did Zarbon call me Dodo before?' he asks in his head.

* * *

At another chamber, one on Planet Vegeta, Bardock and Hanasia, the former's wife (or girlfriend, or friend with benefits, dunno, such stuff is pretty vague in Saiyans' society) are looking at their son, Kakarrot.

'Heh. He'll become the elitest Saiyan of all, like me,' the woman brags.

'The elitest of all?' Bardock raises an eyebrow provocatively. 'Didn't Gerkin beat you the last time you fought?'

'I was pregnant!' Hanasia snaps.

'Speaking of which, how come the other Hanasia, the one from Salagir's novel, never gets pregnant, despite going at it like a rabbit with no rubber almost in every chapter?' Bardock asks.

'Law of inverse fertility, dude,' Hanasia sighs. 'Google it on Tv Tropes.'

That moment, a nameless servant from an unknown alien race enters.

'Greetings Lord Bardock. Greetings Lordess Hanasia,' he bows. 'Lord Freeza told me to inform you that he will give a chance to your two sons to prove their worth, despite both of them having insignificant power levels, and send them to missions on other planets.' And, after a short silence, he adds, really fast: 'He also told me to stress to you that he's doing this out of generosity and it's not like he is planning to eradicate your kind and wants to keep a handful of Saiyans alive just in case.'

'Okay, noted,' Bardock shrugs.


	25. Bardock special 2

_Note: In this chapter, the word 'come' is used a lot. __Please, behave properly and don't mentally replace it __with the word 'cum' every time you read the word 'come'. __Seriously, guys, I mean it! It's not like that's exactly __what I want you to do and I'm using reverse psychology. __I swear!_

* * *

Bardock and his crew are chilling in a desert of Planet Kanassa, resting after having decimated about 80% of the planet's population. Right now, they're discussing a serious topic. A really, really serious topic.

' Are Freeza, Dodoria and Zarbon guys or chicks?' Pumkin wonders.

'Dunno, man, depends on the dub,' Toma shrugs. 'In some dubs, they're guys, in some other dubs, they're chicks.'

'The worst of all is the Greek dub,' Bardock adds, 'where, as the series progresses, they change their gender every now and then.'

'And this is hardly the only problem of the Greek dub,' Fasha sighs.

Suddenly, a chi is sensed. 'An unusually strong Kanassan,' Bardock says, alerted. 'He's worth about 2.5 Saibaimen. I'll go and defeat him myself.'

And, with these words, he flies away.

* * *

Bardock lands before the last Kanassan. 'Wanna hear a joke before I kill you?' the Saiyan asks, without even introducing himself. 'How many Kanassans does it take to screw in a...'

'Oh, bringer of destruction,' the Kanassan interrupts him. 'I know I shall die by your hand. I hold no grudges against you, for I know you are merely the messenger of my people's death. I want revenge against the creature who asked for our destruction. For he or she (depends on the dub) asked for your destruction too.'

'Is this going somewhere?' Bardock asks, annoyed.

'I want you to come at me with all your might,' the Kanassan says.

'Oh, trust me, I will. There is nothing I want more in the world right now than to come at an ugly creature like you.'

'But I don't want you to come at me from a distance. I want physical contact. Penetrate me and fill me with your energy. Then you shall receive my enlightenment!'

And so, Bardock penetrated the Kanassan's heart. As soon as the blue creature was dead, Goku's father saw a terrible future vision.

* * *

_Later, at Saiyans' palace..._

Paragus is begging King Vegeta to spare the life of his newborn son, Broly, when Bardock bursts in the throne room.

'What's the meaning of this, Bardock?' the king snaps, annoyed. 'Can't you see that I'm busy killing a defenseless baby?'

'Your majesty and everyone else, please listen to me, it's an emergency,' the low class Saiyan starts talking really fast and uncontrollably. 'There was that ugly Kanassan and I wanted to come at him and he wanted me to come at him too and it was consensual so after it had been established that we both wanted me to come at him, he was like _Please, __don't __come at me from a distance, I want you to touch __me, penetrate __me and fill me with your energy...'_

Bardock has to stop to take a breath. Everybody is sweatdropping, freaked out. 'Umm, listen,' King Vegeta breaks the silence, 'your sexuality is nobody's business. You don't have to come here and broadcast it every time you penetrate a Kanassan and come at him.'

Seeing that words won't take him anywhere, Bardock gets angry, points a finger at the king and yells: 'Okay, that's enough. I challenge you to a fight over the throne!'

More awkward silence.

'Wait, is this even possible?' King Vegeta asks, confused.

'Sure it is!' Bardock snaps.

'Then how come nobody has ever challenged me so far?'

'Because this is a plot device that Salagir just pulled out of his ass. Now let's fight.'

And so, the two Saiyans engaged into combat, exchanging punches and firing blasts at each other, the blasts who missed their target opening holes in the walls nearby.

'Wait a minute, aren't their blasts capable of destroying at the very least a large city or something?' a nameless Saiyan wonders how the palace hasn't collapsed yet.

Before someone can answer, though, the fight has ended. Bardock is holding the unconscious former king by the hair.

'ALL HAIL THE NEW KING BARDOCK! ALL HAIL SALAGIR'S ASS!' everybody cheers in unison.


	26. Bardock special 3

The fateful day. The day Freeza shall destroy Planet Vegeta, at least according to King Bardock's prophecy. Right now, outside of the capital, Saiyans have gathered.

As Freeza's ship approaches, Bardock explains his plan to his subjects: '...and, lastly, you, Hanasia, will penetrate the ship's shields. Are you capable of doing it?'

'Hah,' the king's lover swaggers. 'Should Sword Art Online have ended after Season 1?'

Awkward silence and sweatdrops of confusion.

'That meant yes,' Hanasia sighs.

'Oh, I thought it meant no,' a nameless Saiyan says, thus implying the authors were right to continue Sword Art Online past Season 1.

'Oh, please,' Hanasia scoffs and, for the following minutes, explains why the last episode of Season 1 was the perfect ending, stressing the romantic 'happily ever after' between Kirito and Asuna.

'So, did everybody understand why the series should have ended after Season 1?' she finally asks.

'Sorry, nobody was listening to you,' another nameless Saiyan says. 'Everybody was staring at your boobs.'

'Fuck you all,' the woman mumbles and soars into outer space, heading to Freeza's spaceship.

* * *

'...and that's why I think Zlatan Ibrahimovic is better than Lionel Messi,' Dodoria says to Freeza and Zarbon, who are gazing outside of the window.

They turn to him.

'Did you just say something?' Freeza asks, blinking.

Dodoria laughs awkwardly, trying to hide his annoyance.

'Now go and eliminate the intruder who just entered the spaceship,' Freeza orders, noticing the beeping alert.

* * *

In one of the ship's corridors, Dodoria and Hanasia meet.

'So you're a Saiyan?' the pink fatso rhetorically asks.

'Yeah. A fan?'

'Not really. But I'm glad I have this chance to let off some steam. I'm really annoyed that nobody ever listens to me when I talk.'

'You too?' Hanasia exclaims. 'I have the same problem!'

'Finally! Somebody understands me,' Dodo cries cheerfully.

'Where have you been all my life?' Hanasia cries.

The two warriors exchange silent looks for a while, erotic music coming out of nowhere.

'Err, I guess I have to kill you now,' Freeza's henchman breaks the silence.

'Err, yeah, I guess I have to kill you too,' the female Saiyan says.

'No hard feelings, okay?' Dodo asks.

'Of course not,' Hanasia answers with compassion.

The two warriors engage into combat while still casually chatting.

'So, are you male or female?' Hanasia asks as she charges and delivers a punch.

'Dunno,' Dodoria shrugs, taking the punch without flinching. 'Depends on the dub, I guess.' Then he punches her, thus hurling her away.

'Cristiano Ronaldo or Messi?' Hanasia asks as she charges again.

'Neither,' Dodo grabs her by the shoulders, thus immobilizing her. 'Ibrahimovic is the best player of his generation.'

'What?' Hanasia squeals in disapproval. 'Are you nuts?'

And, with these words, she angrily transforms into Oozaru, thus breaking the ship.

Then, all giant apes outside fire their mouth blasts simultaneously and kill Freeza.

And so, Freeza's empire was replaced by Saiyans' empire. For some reason, Coola and Cold were okay with that. And so, they lived happily ever after. (Well, the Saiyans lived happily ever after. The enslaved races, not so much.)

Now go and jack off to Hanasia till the next time I update.


	27. Here I come (pun intended)

The announcer declares the next match: 'U3 Raichi versus a warrior from Universe 2 who is still unidentified.'

'Hmf, I don't care who they are,' Raichi, who is already waiting in the arena, thinks. 'I have countless powerful ghost warriors; hell, I can even summon that Broly guy that Vegetto fought earlier. I can beat anyone!'

'Anyone except me!' an ugly voice is heard as the contestant from Universe 2 enters.

'Huh? Did he read my thought?' Raichi wonders.

The contestant from the surrealistic universe, Raichi's opponent, is none other than... me!

The old man's shock subsides soon. 'How pathetic must you be to make a cameo in your own fanfic?' he wonders.

'Hey!' I snap in annoyance. 'Akira Toriyanma made cameos in the original Dragon Ball and Salagir made cameos in Dragon Ball Multiverse. Therefore, I see no reason not to do that as well!'

'You're a pathetic loser,' Raichi keeps offending my genius. 'An insecure, self obsessed freak.'

'Watch your tongue!' I point a finger as a warning. 'As the author, I have total control over this story. I can make everybody here do whatever I want t...'

I stop abruptly. I smile deviously. Come to think of it, why not? Who cares about qualifying in this stupid tournament? I have a better idea!

'You're all hypnotised,' my voice magically resonates across the whole stadium, thanks to my author power. 'On the snap of my fingers, you will all just sit and watch as I fuck all beautiful women in the story!'

I snap my fingers. I rub my palms together in delight. At last, I'm gonna get laid! (Well, at least my digital self.)

I command all the beautiful, female main characters to get on the stage. They obey. Thanks to my digital body's stamina, I can recover to 100% as soon as I have fucked one of them, so I can move to the next one right away. Besides, everyone is hypnotised and nobody is going to try to stop me, so it's not like I have to hurry anyway.

And so, I screwed the two Bras (U16 and U18), the two Pans (I know the U16 one was dead at that time, but I revived her temporarily just to fuck her), the two Videls (U16 and U18) and U6 Zangya. Oh, I also had Raichi summon U3 Hanasia so that I could screw her as well.

Then I snapped my fingers and vanished. Everybody woke up and all they remembered was that Raichi won by forfeit against some unidentified person from Universe 2.

'Strange, my pussy feels sore like hell,' U18 Pan complains, rubbing her genitalia.

'Oh, are you okay, sweetie?' U18 Videl moves towards her daughter, only to realize, the next moment, that her own pussy hurts too.

Anyway, for the rest of this fanfic, you can imagine the Pans, Bras, Videls, Zangya and Ghost Hanasia with huge loads of my sperm in them. For the rest of this fanfic, they will all be full of my cum, unbeknownst to them. Doesn't that thought turn you on?

* * *

_Later, after I have posted the chapter above..._

In my parents' basement, I turn on my computer and enter Fanfiction Net, eager to see the new reviews. 'I'm pretty sure everybody loved the last chapter,' I whisper.

I read some reviews...

_-You have serious psychological problems. Stop writing __stories and seek professional help._

_-Dude, you make me sick. I'm gonna report you to the __FBI._

_-Get out of your parents' basement and get a life, Hector. __Or, even better, jump off some cliff. It will be good for the __whole humanity._

_-You're the most disgusting, filthy, worthless excuse for a __human being I have ever been unlucky enough to encounter. __I hope you burn in Hell._

I stop reading the reviews and get a troubled expression. 'Maybe I overdid it a little this time,' I mumble innocently.


	28. Genders, stereotypes and other demons

'The next match is U13 Vegeta vs U6 Syd,' the announcer declares.

Vegeta's version who is a universal emperor in his timeline is waiting on the arena, arms crossed, cape waving.

'VEGETA!' Nappa, in U13 balcony, calls out. 'What does the scouter...'

'NOT NOW NAPPA!' U13 Vegeta interrupts him, momentarily turning to him.

Next, he goes back to his thoughts: 'I wonder who my opponent will be. Well, considering this is the first round and I'm one of the main characters, logically, for plot reasons, I'll be paired up against a generic character whom I can beat easily.'

Syd, a fairly beautiful woman with black hair tied in a ponytail, gets on the arena. 'MHAHAHA,' she points a finger at the emperor. 'Now you will face my special power.'

'Let me guess,' Vegeta sighs. 'You will turn me into a woman and, at the same time, yourself into a man.'

'WHAT?' Syd cries. 'How did you know that?'

'I just guessed that, if I was a generic, female character, created merely for fanservice reasons, with an outfit that barely covers my vagina, that would be the special power I would have,' Vegeta explains.

'Shut up!' Syd cries and, at the next moment, uses her special power.

'Hmm, this power kinda reminds me of Ginyu's body swap,' Freeza comments, at U8 balcony. 'Except, in this case, the warriors don't exchange bodies, they just exchange genders.'

'Who's Ginyu?' Cold shrieks. 'I don't know anyone with that name. Even if we discussed about him earlier, he was too trivial for me to remember. And, definitely, I'm not Ginyu!'

Freeza and Cold look at their father, baffled. 'Ookaay,' they drawl, unable to understand his panic.

In the meantime, the female verson of U13 Vegeta speaks in his feminine voice, without seeming to have lost his cool: 'And, if our power levels remain the same, how exactly is this special ability supposed to help you win?'

The male version of Syd sweatdrops. 'Err... when you put it that way, it's funny!' Then, he laughs awkwardly.

In U18 balcony, Trunks, who has just come out of the restroom and does not know about the gender exchange ability, notices the female Vegeta. 'Wow, what a babe,' he comments, shoves his hand in his pocket and starts rubbing his genitalia.

'Umm, Trunks,' Goten tries, hesitantly. 'I don't know how to break this to you, but...'

Syd keeps laughing.

'Do you know what is even funnier?' U13 Vegeta asks.

'What?' Syd asks.

'This!' U13 Vegeta snaps and kills him with a blast, regaining his male body the next moment.

'Wait a minute, did I just jack off to a female version of my father?' U18 Trunks asks, horrified.

'Pretty much,' U18 Goten nods.

Trunks falls on his knees, closes his eyes, raises them to the sky, clenches his fists and, in an unnecessary anime drama scene, yells: 'NOOOOOOO...'

* * *

In the next match, U3 King Piccolo and U2 Beelzebub are arguing over who's the most evil demon...

'I massacred thousands of innocents,' King Piccolo says.

'I made a facebook account which I used just to pester female cosplayers,' Beelzebub replies, proudly.

'WHAT? You fiend!' King Piccolo cries.


	29. A bad night's sleep

It's night time and the contestants are about to get some sleep, with the first round of the tournament being over.

In one of U18 rooms, we see Pan, with her lovely bedtime, childlike clothes on. Uub is next to her, only his boxers on, practically drooling.

'So, are you sure the proper etiquette dictates that one shares a room with their master's grand daughter at official events?' the little girls asks, scratching her chin with an innocent expression.

'Sure I am. I know a lot about savoir vivre,' Uub answers, trying to sound classy and hide his arousal. 'Now get on the bed. I can't wait to moles... I mean, get some sleep.'

'Okay,' Pan cheerfully agrees, ignoring the predicament.

That moment, Goku bursts in the room, wearing only his shirt and underpants. 'WEE, SLUMBER PARTY,' he cries and jumps on the bed, eliciting a laugh from his grand daughter. 'We'll sleep all three together, YAY!'

Uub sighs in disappointment. 'Congratulations, Goku,' he says. 'You just earned the title of the greatest cockblocker ever.'

'Oh, thanks for your kind words, Uub,' Goku says, moved, not having really understood the last sentence.

* * *

The four U13 Saiyans are chilling in their room when the door knocks. It's U18 Gohan.

'What do you want, weakling?' U13 Vegeta asks with contempt.

'I have an offer for you,' the lad answers.

'We make no deals with weaklings,' Kakarrot yells and charges at his son from another universe, who easily pins him against the wall.

'You listen, psycho,' Gohan growls. 'The only good thing you have ever done was to hit your head and become the person my father is.' Then he gets a troubled expression and continues: 'And now that I said that out loud, I realized you've never done anything good!'

As Kakarrot is trying to free himself, Raditz and Nappa charge to his help, but Gohan repels them easily. 'Won't you help them?' he asks Vegeta.

'Just tell us what you want,' the prince sighs.

Gohan explains to them that his power is a result of a magic ritual and the one who can perform it is at this stadium; he will reveal to them who that person is and, in exchange, Kakarrot won't kill his daughter in tomorrow's match.

'So,' U13 Vegeta sums it up in the end, 'in order to save one single person, your daughter, although you know she'll be revived anyway, you will give us the means to become more powerful, thus being able to kill even more millions of innocents, who have no hope of being revived, when we get back to our universe. Way to be a hero, lad!'

'Quit your stupid sarcasm and tell me whether it's a deal,' Gohan says, impatient.

'It's not a deal,' U13 Goku snaps.

'It's a deal!' U13 Vegeta says imperatively.

* * *

Freeza is secretly searching in the stadium's rooms and corridors for the organizers' dragonballs; King Cold has sent his two sons, Freeza and Coola, to search for them.

At some point, when Freeza has crouched and opened a cabinet, he hears a voice behind him: 'Don't bother. I have scanned the whole stadium. It seems the organizers are keeping them in another universe.'

The startled Freeza turns around. It's U4 Buu, sitting on a chair with his legs crossed. 'By the way,' the djinn continues, 'I have a piece of info that sure interests you. The Ginyu from your universe isn't dead.'

'WHAT?'

'One of your universes members isn't in their original body.'

'But... but... who?'

Freeza stands up and starts pacing in the room. 'Who might it be?' he wonders out loud.

'It's Cold,' Buu says.

However, Freeza, too absorbed in his thoughts, does not hear that and keeps talking to himself: 'Let's see. Logically, Ginyu would go for a really powerful body. The body of someone who is really close to me. Let me try to remember... has any of my universes members' behaviour been weird lately?'

'Dude, King Cold has the most powerful body of all of you and he suddenly revealed out of nowhere he can control his higher forms,' Buu sighs. 'It hardly takes a genius to realize it's him.'

'SHUT UP!' Freeza snaps, abruptly turning to Buu and pointing a finger at him. 'Your babbling does not let me concentrate. I need to go somewhere alone and try to find out who Ginyu is!'

Then he leaves. Buu rolls his eyes.


	30. The musical, ponytailed interlude

Today is the second round of the interuniversal tournament.

'And now, a surprise for all you fans,' the announcer exclaims. 'As an opening ceremony for the second round, we have prepared a music interlude!'

A group of alien musicians that belong to an unidentified race get on the stage and start playing what seems to be classical music. Some people seem to like it, some others are frustrated.

'This is an insult to my divine ears,' U4 Buu thinks. 'I'm going to intervene and show them how really good music is played!'

However, before he can do so, the announcer says: 'HAHA, we were kidding. And now, here comes what we have really prepared as a music interlude!'

The stage somehow transforms into a pop concert stage, full of mist and colorful lights. A gorgeous red head, dressed like a slut, with her hair tied in a ponytail, appears. 'Ladies and gentlemen,' the announcer cries, excited. 'Say hello to the greatest performer, the most beautiful woman in the whole omniverse. ARIANA!' (last name not mentioned because of Fanfiction Net's rules)

The red head begins singing an exciting song, called 'Break Free', while dancing with sexy moves. Everybody cheers in awe.

'Bear my child!'

'Shut up, Kakarrot!'

Suddenly, the lights and mist magically disappear. Ariana freezes. She notices a donut in U11 Buu's hand. 'Gimme that,' she demands.

'Buu,' U11 Buu says.

'Don't tell me to respect other people's property, you pink blob,' Ariana yells and snatches the donut. Then she licks it and gives it back.

'Buu?' U11 Buu scratches his head.

'I just like licking other people's donuts without eating them,' Ariana snaps. 'Deal with it or fucking die!'

'Okay, that does it,' the other Buu, the one from Universe 4, yells. 'Now I'll turn you into a donut.' And, with these words, he fires a candy beam from his tentacle.

To his enormous shock, though, Ariana deflects the beam with her ponytail, which it seems she can move at will without moving the rest of her head.

'Her magic powers are... greater than mine...' U4 Buu whispers in disbelief.

'Don't mess with me, blob,' Ariana cries, pointing a finger at him. 'I am the most powerful being in existence. My ponytail holds the sacred secrets of the omniverse!'

'Don't worry, fellows. I'll save you from this ponytailed demon,' a female voice resonates across the stadium as a hole opens in the heavens and a lovely, feminine figure descends. She has white hair, tied in a ponytail.

'I am Vados,' she introduces herself, bowing politely. Then, abruptly changing her expression, she glares at Ariana and adds: 'And my ponytail is far better than yours, bitch!'

'Oh, you wish,' the annoyed red head snaps. 'PONYTAIL BATTLE!'

The two women's ponytails magically grow in size and become rigid. Also, they start glowing, like Star Wars swords. Using their ponytails as swords, the two women begin clashing, shaking the stadium with the energy released.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in Hector's parents' basement..._

'Wow, this chapter is awesome,' I talk to myself while admiring my work on the laptop's screen. 'I am a genius!'

'Hey, no fair,' I hear a voice behind me. I turn around.

It's Beerus.

'You told me that I couldn't be in this fanfic because it is based on Dragon Ball Multiverse canonicity, so Super and GT are considered non existent,' Beerus complains. 'Then why did you allow Vados to be there? Ain't she a Dragon Ball Super character as well?'

'Well,' I chuckle. 'I decided to make an exception for her, because she's ultra hot.'

'Motherfucker,' Beerus growls and disappears.

'Actually, I'm not a moterfucker,' I talk to myself. 'Not that I have anything against incest, but my mother is ugly and annoying. If, on the other hand, I had a mother like Lea Massari...'

A female voice interrupts me. 'Can you make an exception for me as well? I'm hot too and I have a ponytail.'

It's Cocoa Amaguri! I smile deviously. 'Okay, I'll include you in one of my future chapters if you... do something for me...'

'WHAT?' the girl innocently snaps. 'I'll do anything!'

'Tee hee hee,' I rub my palms together.

* * *

Back at the stadium, Vados and Ariana have produced duel monsters discs out of nowhere and are playing a duel monsters game. They both keep playing cards that have the word 'ponytail' in their name.

'And, now,' Ariana yells, taking an unnecessary anime pose. 'I play the spell card _Ponytail Permanent _which increases the ATK power of my _Ponytailed Amazoness _monster from 6.000 to 10.000!'

The monster's hologram's ponytail grows in size as the monster produces an unnecessary growl.

* * *

_Meanwhile, on Hector's rudimentary matress __at his parents' attic..._

Cocoa is lying nude next to me, with an indifferent expression, waiting for my post orgasm daze to wear off.

'So, will you include me in your fic now?' she asks.

'We'll see,' I answer.

* * *

Back at the stadium, Ariana and Vados somehow made peace and left the stadium together. The DBM characters decided to pretend that all of this never happened, along with Spongebob episodes past Season 3.

* * *

In an unspecified place, Ariana and Vados are lying nude next to each other, having just finished a lesbian orgy.

'Do you think we could star in the next chapter of Anna's Adventures as well?' Ariana asks.

'Well,' Vados sighs troubled. 'Considering the pace at which Chocolatecookiecream updates that fanfic, by the time the next chapter comes out, I'll be dead of old age. And I'm an ageless angel!'


	31. (Jack) Off to the second round

The second round began with no more major problems. Cell Jr got disqualified for touching the ring before the match against Gast even began. Next, Goku one shotted Seventeen.

'And now, U1 South Kaioshin against U11 Buu,' the announcer declares.

'Wait,' Grand Kai stops South Kai before the latter getting on the ring. 'There is something very important I have to tell you before you fight that demon.'

'What?' South Kai gasps, alerted.

'It is ultra important,' Grand Kai continues. 'Your survival depends on this advice!'

'What, WHAT?' South Kai heavily breaths.

'Be careful,' Grand Kai says with a solemn expression.

South Kai facepalms. 'I'm not kidding,' the fat Kai insists. 'This is an invaluable advice that has saved billions of lives through the omniverses history.'

'AMEN, THANK YOU,' Goku calls out from U18 balcony (reference to Chapter 9).

South Kai stands across from U11 Buu on the arena.

'Buu,' the djinn says.

'Yeah, I know you were created 5 million years ago by a monster called Bibidi,' South Kai sighs.

'5.000.020 years,' U18 Goku corrects him. 'Don't forget 20 years passed since the day Buu was released after 5 .000.000 years!'

Everybody in the stands faints of Goku's stupidity.

'Buu,' U11 Buu says.

'Yeah, I know that you absorbed me in your universe and turned into a muscled freak,' South Kai sighs.

'Buu,' U11 Buu says.

'Yeah, I know you absorbed Grand Kai in your universe as well,' South Kai starts losing his patience. 'Is this going somewhere?'

'Buu,' U11 Buu says._ (Translation: 'By absorbing him, __I inherited his wisedom, so I have a very good piece __of advice to give you. Be careful!')_

'AMEN! THANK YOU,' U1 Grand Kai and U18 Goku cry in unison.

'Okay, that does it,' an angry South Kai yells and attacks.

U11 Buu easily dodges the attack by sidestepping, then procceeds to knock Kai down by elbowing him on the nape of the neck. 'Buu,' he says. _(Translation: __'See? This wouldn't __have happened if you had been __careful.')_

'FUCK YOU,' South Kai yells. 'THIS IS MY TRUMP CARD!'

He extends his arms forward and starts charging a highly concentrated ball of energy.

'Hey, look,' U18 Goku excitedly points a finger at the arena. 'It's the same attack you use as your trump card, Piccolo, even though it hasn't worked a single time!'

'Said the guy whose Spirit Bomb trump card hasn't worked a single time either,' Piccolo smiles sarcastically.

'Hey, if it never worked, our universes Buu wouldn't be dead, you smartmouth,' Goku cries, annoyed.

'Umm, actually, master...'

'YOU'RE NOT HELPING, UUB!'

In the meantime, South Kai was absorbed by U11 Buu and the match ended. The fat djinn flies back to its balcony. 'Great job, Buu,' Babidi cries.

That moment, U1 South Kai comes out of Buu's body. 'By the way, Dabura,' he asks the demon. 'how come you follow Babidi? In my universe, you swore to never leave the demon realm.'

'Well, my desires are nothing compared to the will of my master,' Dabura admits solemnly while closing his eyes and bowing in respect. Next, he abruptly opens his eyes, takes a totally casual expression and adds really fast: 'Also, he bribed me with a download of Aphrodisia series.'

'Which episode?' South Kai asks.

'Je suis invisible,' Dabura answers.

'LUCKY BASTARD!' South Kai snaps. 'I've been looking for it online forever.'


	32. Ancestors vs descendants

The next match is a father vs son one. U18 Vegeta vs U12 Trunks. The two Super Saiyans stand across from each other in the arena.

'I'm sorry, dad, but I'm gonna win,' Trunks declares with a smile.

'This is even less likely than a Dan Schneider's show getting a proper final episode,' Vegeta replies seriously, arms crossed.

'Oh, come on, dad, don't write me off,' Trunks complains, still smiling. 'I may not be obsessed with fighting like you, but I have devoted some time to training.'

'Really?' Vegeta raises an eyebrow. 'Can you do this?'

With those words, he transforms into a Super Saiyan 2.

Trunks laughs awkwardly and strokes the back of his head. 'Umm, about that...'

* * *

_Universe 12, a few years ago..._

A half naked Trunks is looking at himself in the mirror.

'Let's see, I have two choices,' he contemplates. 'One is to work my ass off to achieve Super Saiyan 2 form, which I saw a 9 year old kid achieve in another timeline, so that I can get back my adulthood dignity and be better prepared to save my world from future threats. The other is to keep using that useless, buffed form, which makes girls go wild at the beach.'

Trunks ponders it for a while. What is the most reasonable thing for a person who saw his world terrorized and turned into hell in the past, by threats he was not powerful enough to beat, to do? Try to become a more powerful Earth protector or a better chick magnet?

The next moment, Trunks smiles and winks at his reflection. 'Chick magnet it is,' he declares.

* * *

'...and so, I trained my buffed form,' U12 Trunks explains to his father from U18, back at the tournament, currently in his Super Saiyan Grade 3 form (or Ultra Super Saiyan form; depends on what kind of fan name is preferred on the forum you visit). 'I know it has serious weaknesses, but I have mastered it to the extent that...'

'Enough of your bullshit,' Vegeta sighs and knocks him unconscious with a punch in the guts. Trunks reverts back to his base form.

Vegeta carries his son's unconscious body back to U12 balcony. Sixteen is staring indifferently. 'You know, I used to want to kill Son Goku,' he says to Vegeta, in his robotic voice.

'Big deal,' the former prince shrugs. 'Six of his current friends have tried to kill him at least once in their lives: Myself, my wife, Yamcha, Tenshinhan, Yadjirobe and Piccolo.'

* * *

Back at U18 balcony, Pan, who will face U13 Goku in the next match, seems afraid. Her parents have crouched next to her. 'Listen, sweetie, you don't have to do this,' Gohan says.

'GOHAN! SHAME ON YOU!' Vegeta, who has returned to the balcony in the meantime, snaps. 'What kind of irresponsible parent would let his underaged daughter withdraw from a match against a psychotic mass murderer over something as trivial as fear of her dying?'

Gohan and Videl are staring, eyes wide open in shock.

Gohan wants to rip off Vegeta's head, but he's too shocked to do so.

The older Saiyan looks at Pan and says: 'As for you, go out there and whip the floor with that Kakarrot wannabe.'

'I'll do it,' Pan says, determined after Vegeta's encouragement.

* * *

Kakarrot has pinned Pan on the arena floor. The little girl is screaming in pain.

'Pan,' U18 Vegeta cries in the stands. 'Less near death screaming, more floor whipping with Kakarrot.'

'It's your fault, Vegeta,' U18 Goku blames his rival. 'You forgot to tell her to be careful! How could you forget something so crucial?'

U13 Goku whispers something in Pan's ear: 'Do you want to know what I did to little human girls in my universe?'

Yes! Yes, we all want to know, Kakarrot, tell us, tell us... oh, bummer, Pan interrupted him by transforming into a Super Saiyan and forfeiting the match.

Too bad. The answer to the question of what Kakarrot did to little girls could produce many interesting fanfics.


	33. Pirates vs robots (or androids)

'So, Gohan,' U17 Cell says to his rival's counterpart from U16. 'Each of us has killed the other in his respective universe. Don't you think we have to settle this once and for all?'

'Scram before I shove your tail in your ass,' U16 Gohan answers.

'First of all, I don't have an anus; being a bio android, I need neither an anus nor genitalia,' Cell points. 'Back to the point, is there perhaps something special you'd like me to do to Bojack, who killed your daughter, during my match against him, in exchange for a duel between the two of us later, outside of the stadium?'

'Revenge does not concern me,' U16 Gohan says sternly.

'Really?' Cell raises an eyebrow. 'Who are you? Jehovah?'

'First of all, Jehovah never forgave anyone,' Gohan corrects him. 'He lets people in Heaven only because his son paid for their sins, so justice was served.'

Cell chuckles. 'And how was justice supposed to have been served by an innocent being punished in place of everybody who has ever sinned?' he asks.

'Dunno, man,' Gohan shrugs. 'This is Christians' logic. Ask them.'

Meanwhile, at U18 balcony, Goku is repeatedly poking Vegeta: 'Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Veg...'

'WHAT?'

'I bet Cell has way more power than what he showed us when he was fighting Dabura,' Goku says, with an unnecessarily impressed expression.

'I know,' Vegeta sighs, arms crossed.

'I'm telling you, Vegeta,' Goku continues, the same unnecessarily dramatic expression on his face. 'Cell must be hiding a huge deal of power.'

'I said I agree!' Vegeta snaps.

'Okay,' Goku says, annoyed. 'If you don't want to believe me, just wait and see for yourself.'

Vegeta facepalms.

* * *

U17 Cell and U6 Bojack stand across from each other. The space pirate powers up.

'You know,' Cell says in a nostalgic voice. 'Back at Cell Games, I thought the power I had back then was unrivaled. And, nowadays, guys as strong as that appear one after another. Do you know what that teaches us?'

Without answering, Bojack charges at Cell, who dodges the attack, knocks Bojack down and then procceeds to answer his own question: 'That power is purely plot dependent!'

'See?' U18 Goku cries, one arm's finger pointed at Cell and the other arm pulling Vegeta's clothes to draw the latter's attention. 'I told you he was stronger than before!'

'Kakarrot, I swear I'm gonna rip your dick off if you don't stop,' Vegeta sighs.

'I didn't my bring my deck along,' Goku scratches his head. 'Was I supposed to? Will there be a duel monsters tournament after this one?'

'No, I didn't say deck, I said di... actually, never mind.'

Having got tired of being knocked around like a ragdoll, Bojack has captured Cell with his energy bonds technique.

'HAR HAR, IT'S MY VICTORY,' he cries triumphantly. 'Those bonds will cut you into pieces if you move.'

'Didn't you watch my fight in the first round?' Cell asks casually. 'Don't you know I can regenerate?'

Silence. Bojack sweatdrops. 'Shut up! My attack will cut you into pieces and is cool!' he yells.

'You know what else is cool?' Cell asks. 'THIS!'

With two eye laser beams, he kills Bojack.

'Say, doesn't that Cell guy look a little like us?' Coola wonders in U8 balcony.

'NO, I DON'T!' U8 Cold shrieks, eliciting a curious look from his eldest son. Then, realizing his goof, he continues: 'Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said I look like Ginyu, which I totally don't, because I'm not him!'

'Quit babbling, dad,' U8 Freeza says, annoyed. 'I'm trying to figure out who Ginyu is and your blathering is interrupting my thoughts.'


	34. Kakarrot special

_This story happened in Universe 13._

* * *

Raditz, who recently arrived on Earth, looking for his brother, Kakarrot, is currently yamchaing Yamcha.

Suddenly, Tenshinhan's cry is heard: 'KIKOHO!'

The tall Saiyan is buried in a rectangle shaped crater.

Tenshinhan keeps firing kikohos. 'Tien, no, this will deplete your life force reserves,' Yamcha cries.

Finally, Tien falls on the ground, exhausted. Raditz comes out of the crater, having only cosmetic damage.

'Okay, seriously, how often does firing a super amplified blast against a vastly superior foe work in Dragon Ball?' he asks sternly.

'Err... never,' Tenshinhan answers.

'Then why did you even bother?' Raditz sighs.

'Because shut up!' Tien answers.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in a Yugioh universe..._

Ishizu and Kaiba are playing their duel on the latter's airship when the Egyptian woman suddenly pauses and says (in her Little Kuriboh voice): 'I have a feeling someone is stealing my catchphrase.'

* * *

Raditz is pressing Tien's head with his foot, trying to snap it.

'Yamcha, run,' Ten cries, his voice distorted of pain.

'No, I can't leave you here alone,' Yamcha says determinedly.

'You'll get killed too. Save yourself,' Tien insists.

Yamcha abruptly takes a totally casual expression, shrugs and says really fast: 'Oh, okay, if you say so.'

'NO, WAIT!' Tenshinhan snaps. 'Don't leave me. I was just trying to play cool and heroic. Come ba...'

Too late. Yamcha ran away. The next moment, Raditz finally manages to snap the triclopses neck.

* * *

Yamcha is hidden behind a rock and panting. 'At last, I escaped,' he whispers.

'Yummy, human flesh,' he hears a known, psychotic voice and feels Kakarrot's teeth on his arm.

'YIKES!' he pulls back his arm. 'I knew you're a freak, but this is too much!'

'Hey, at least I don't pretend to be a vegan, like Alyse Brautigam,' the Saiyan protests.

'Ahh, Alyse,' Yamcha sighs with nostalgia. 'Good jack off material!'

Some random silence. 'Err, where were we?' Yamcha asks.

'I was about to kill you,' Kakarrot says, equally casually.

'Hah, you wish,' the bandit snaps and the two warriors initiate combat.

'See? See how strong my wolf fang fist makes me?' Yamcha cries, panting, and slightly moves his head towards the wolf illusion next to him, thus beckoning to Kakarrot to look over there. (All the while, Yamcha is rapidly moving his arms with Kakarrot blocking, in a fashion that makes the fight look like the same moves are repeated over and over, like in Disney short cartoons from 30s and 40s.)

'Is this supposed to be a wolf?' Kakarrot asks (still the fight looking the way I described before). 'It looks more like Sylvester from Looney Tunes.'

'Darn you, Salagir,' Yamcha curses. 'When will he learn to choose more carefully the people who draw his specials? I mean, seriously, one would swear he had learnt his lesson after Bojack special.'

That moment, Kakarrot kills him with a blast. However, when he's about to eat him up, the bandit's body is annihilated by a newcomer's blast.

'At last, I found you, Kakarrot,' Raditz declares.

'You ruined my food,' U13 Goku goes back to his psychotic expression and attacks.

Surprisingly, he manages to knock Raditz away with a wrestling move and continue the combo with a mouth blast.

'How did you become so strong?' Raditz asks, annoyed.

Kakarrot answers: 'Maybe because I was lucky enough NOT to hit my head, thus NOT wasting my childhood being trained by weirdos who would make me carry milk boxes and chase cats, calling that martial arts training.'

No sooner has he finished those words than Raditz knocks him unconscious with a punch in the guts.

Next, he shoves him in a spaceship and the two Saiyans abandon the planet.


	35. Hirudegarn special

My name is Hoi and this is my story. This story started out the same in all universes and diverged later, though, in all universes, it ended with me dying, since this is the only thing us incels are good at: dying!

I was a member of an organization consisting of the greatest incels in the history of inceldom. I mean, seriously, compared to losers like us, the author of this fic is a player!

During our gatherings, we would play RPGs, wear cool hoods, pretend to be magicians and pester female cosplayers through facebook. Occassionally, we would go through Japanese puberty phases, believing to be pokemon.

One day, though, one of us broke through the limits of how low even any of us, the elite incels of inceldom, could fall. His incelness became so great that, not only did he believe to be a pokemon, but he actually turned into one! A huge beast called Hirudegarn!

That moment, a sun ray shot through the clouds, as if the excessive amounts of incelness opened a portal through dimensions, and we heard two voices resonating across the desert.

'Vegeta!' the first voice snapped. 'What does the scouter say about those freaky weirdos' incel level?'

'IT'S OVER 9000!' the second voice responded.

'Hirudegarn!' Hirudegarn let out his pokemon cry, as if he felt joy.

Soon, we had an idea. Why not use Hirudegarn to destroy the world? That way, no one would get laid! And so, it was decided; since we couldn't get laid, being the freaks we were, we would make sure that no one else would be able to either!

At first, our plan seemed bound to be successful. One after another, planets were falling apart because of Hirudegarn.

Until a group of magicians (real ones, not wannabes like us) sealed him into two siblings, Tapion and Minotia. Then, those two guys (or maybe they were chicks; with Japanese anime, you never know) were sealed in music boxes.

Our group didn't give up, though. We searched and searched and searched, until we found Minotia's box. Minotia was killed, but we managed to seal Hirudegarn's lower half in me.

Then we were attacked by the soldiers of Prince Cold, over something as trivial as destroying his highnesses planets! One of us stepped forward and said bravely:

'You see, Cold's soldiers, you're not dealing with the average incels anymore. We are super incels!'

A moment of awkward silence until one of the soldiers said: 'Err, I hate to break this to you, but Frost Demons fear Super Saiyans, not Super Incels!'

'Oh,' the aforementioned member of our group said, sweatdropping. 'In that case, I'm all out of options.'

The soldiers killed all of us except me, because they feared that killing me might release Hirudegarn. So they put me into cryogenic sleep, like Walt Disney, Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson and so many other celebrities across the universe.

How I managed to escape will probably remain a mystery forever (or until Salagir decides to reveal it in some future chapter).

In most universes, I never found a way to open Tapion's box and died a lone virgin, my last words being 'I wasted my life without getting any pussy, WAAAHH!'

In universes 3, 4, 16, 18, I found some super powerful beings who could possibly open the box. I fearlessly went to ask for their help. I mean what were the chances that, being surrounded by super powerful beings who would realize my true colors once the beast was out, I would end up killed either by them or by being crushed by Hirudegarn? Yet, that highly unlikely thing kept happening every time!

Anyway, bye now, degenerate fellows. Keep making our organization proud with your incelness till the next time this fic is updated.


	36. Future Buu special

_This story happened in Universes 12, 14 and 15._

* * *

Gohan is flying over a ruined (by the Androids) city when he senses a new, evil energy. He spots a creature that looks like Freeza's 3rd form flying carefreely, holding a device used for sucking energy out of innocents.

'Hey, are you Freeza?' Gohan calls out.

The creature stops and turns around. 'No, I'm not the fucking Freeza,' he answers. 'I'm Puipui or Pocus (depending on the dub), a generic, uninteresting villain that greatly surpasses Freeza, even though it was clearly stated at Freeza Saga that Freeza was the strongesst being in the universe, barring Super Saiyans.'

'Speaking of which, I'm a Super Saiyan too,' Gohan cries cheerfully, as if the context is anything but dark, and transforms, because, for some reason, he feels the need to make that point.

A moment of awkward silence, Gohan's sweatdrop glistening under his SSJ aura.

'Err, I'm going to leave now, pretending that this conversation never happened,' Puipui says.

'Err, yeah, and I'm going to stalk you, presumably unbeknownst to you, also pretending that this conversation never happened,' Gohan says.

Puipui flies away and Gohan flies behind him.

* * *

'WHAT?' Babidi shrieks, looking at the energy absorbing device indication and then throwing it away. 'This is all energy you could find me? There are obviously not enough living things on this planet. We should take Buu's coocoon and go try our luck elsewhere.'

'LEAVE THIS PLANET NOW!' the hovering Gohan thunders, drawing everybody's attention.

A moments of awkward silence. 'How often do villains leave a place because the hero told them to?' Babidi asks.

'Err, never,' Gohan laughs, stroking his sweatdropping, blonde head.

'Then why did you bother with that?' the wizard asks.

'I just wanted to make a cool entrance,' Gohan protests.

One more moment of awkward silence.

'Okay, now watch my own cool entrance,' Dabura says really fast, flies behind Gohan and traps him in a bear hug.

'Wow, he's fast,' the Saiyan whispers. 'I mean, one would say that, logically, I should have sensed his chi and been able to tell he's like 100 times stronger than the enemies who have been handing over my ass to me daily for the last 7 years, so I shouldn't be surprised by that, but then again, chi sensing ability has always been vague and plot dependent.'

'WOO HOO,' Puipui rushes to the captured Gohan, the energy absorber in his hand.

The half Saiyan breaks free with a kiai that knocks Dabura away. 'Wait a minute,' Gohan asks himself, surprised. 'Did I really break free of the bear hug of an opponent who can turn Androids into his prison bitches? What the fuck, was Salagir on LSD when he was writing this special?'

His thoughts are interrupted by the two enemies attacking simultaneously: Puipui lunging with the energy absorber and Dabura spitting out his stoning saliva. With a shriek, Gohan manages to DOOOOOODGE (Piccolo would be so proud) just in time. As a result, Dabura's spit accidentally stones Puipui.

'DABURA, YOU IDIOT,' Babidi yells. 'Come back to the ship.'

'Okay, master.'

Gohan ponders it. Should he formulate a plan? Or just follow them inside? Oh, whom are we kidding, this is Dragon Ball; follow them inside, it is.

* * *

As Gohan wipes one of the spaceship's magic floors with Yakon and his sister (if they were human formed, I'd have written an incest scene here; bummer), Babidi asks Dabura whether he paid his penalty for having tried to stone Gohan earlier.

'Yes, master,' Dabura answers, panting next to Buu's coocoon. 'I gave almost all my energy to Buu. He's almost awake.'

'Which makes me wonder why I didn't just give Buu my servants' energy in the other universes,' Babidi mumbles.

That moment, Gohan shows up. 'DABURA!' Babidi snaps. 'I brainlessly command you to fight him, even though I'm fully aware you have almost no energy left.'

Dabura charges and Gohan easily knocks him out and sends him crashing on Babidi. Then, with a blast, he destroys both of them, along with Buu's coocoon.

'Unbelievable,' the Saiyan whispers, shocked. 'With one single fucking blast... I did what a stronger version of me from another timeline couldn't do. This... this special... makes so little sense that IT HUUUUURTS!'

Unable to take the tension, the lad falls on his knees and clutches his chest. Then, he calms down, takes a casual expression and (still on his knees) says to himself: 'I wonder where Trunks is.'

* * *

_A few days later, on Kaioshins' planet..._

'Master Kaioshin, I apologize for interrupting your sitting on your ass and pretending to be important,' Kibito begins, with a formal, solemn expression nonetheless, 'but I have news. Babidi went to Earth.'

'WHAT?'

A little silence.

'So... do we have a plan for that?' Kibito asks.

'My dear child,' Kaioshin answers, with the same formal, solemn expression as his subordinate. 'There is only one plan us Kaioshins can think of during an emergency... running around panicked and letting out inarticulate cries, Spongebob style.'

After some more silence, both Shin and Kibito take gagly panicked expressions, raise their arms in the air and start running in circles and screaming in desperation.


	37. An interview with the author

The auditorium is packed, which was expected, since I am the lecturer. I'm standing on the podium, waiting for the unidentified, resonating voice to introduce me: 'Ladies (assuming any ladies would read this perv's stories) and gentlemen, here he is, the genius behind the greatest masterpieces on Fanfiction Net.'

Everybody cheers. After they've calmed down, I press a button on a remote control, which activates a projector.

'First of all, let's see what is going on at our abridged tournament right now,' I declare.

Everybody's eyes (including mine) turn to the screen...

* * *

U9 Krillin and U3 Tapion are about to start their match.

Tapion takes out a pokeball and, after an unnecessary anime pose, tosses it while crying, 'HIRUDEGARN, I CHOOSE YOU!'

The giant beast comes out of the pokeball. 'Hirudegarn, Hirudegarn!' it cries, shaking the stadium.

With a lunge of its tail, it tries to get Krillin, who immediately gets surrounded by a crimson aura.

'KAIOKEN TIMES HELLIFIKNOWHOWMANY,' he cries and dodges. Then, making his aura more intense, he fires a blast while yelling, 'KAIOKEN TIMES DUNNOMANEVENMORETHANBEFOREIGUESS!'

* * *

'Well, it seems nothing interesting is going on at the stadium right now,' I deduce and turn back to my huge audience. 'So, let's move to your questions.'

One of the members raises his hand and asks: 'Why do you never write all the way to the end of the textbox?'

'We've been through this many times,' I sigh. 'My experience has taught me that, whenever I write all the way to the edge of the textbox, my lines appear broken in the published version.'

_(Edit from the future (28/10/2019): Nowadays, I have figured out how paragraphing works on this site and I'm on my way to modifying my fics into a proper layout.)_

Next question, from someone else: 'Do you have any calls to make regarding the future chapters of Salagir's original creation which you usurp in order to satisfy your attention whoring tendencies?'

I think about it for a while. 'I think XXI is Old Kai,' I answer, in all seriousness. 'Universe 5 diversion point is probably the time Old Kai fused with that witch; in U5, Old Kai snatched back the earring before that happening.'

* * *

_Meanwhile, at DBM Abridged stadium..._

Hirudegarn fires a punch at Krillin. The dwarf catches it with both his arms, still surrounded by the crimson aura. 'Kaioken... times... whocountsanymore...' he says, in a low, distorted voice, panting and struggling.

* * *

The interview continued with several more boring questions, which had to do mainly with complaints about how my stories' pace is too fast, how I never bother much with describing the surroundings, how sloppy, unprofessional and disrespectful to the readers my writing style seems etc

Finally, someone asks this: 'When U16 Pan died in Chapter 9, what happened with her condoms that got scattered off her bra?'

My eyes widen. 'This... this is...' I begin, in a low voice. 'THE GREATEST QUESTION I'VE EVER BEEN ASKED!'

With a delighted expression, I get off the podium and approach the guy who asked me that. 'Wanna hang out?' I ask.

'Yes,' he answers, excited.

We leave the auditorium together.

* * *

_A few days later..._

'So how was your day with Hector?' the other people who attended my lecture ask the aforementioned person.

'Don't remind me!' he snaps. 'He was talking about how awesome he is the whole time. That guy is seriously messed up. He should be institutionalized.'


	38. Vegetto disqualified

Vegetto is standing across XXI, the mysterious, old man who is his opponent in the second round of this tournament.

'Obviously, the type of generic weakling with special powers that make him relevant,' the fused Saiyan thinks as he examines his foe. 'I must attack as soon as possible, before he can do anything weird. I mean, every fraction of a second counts. Even right now that I'm saying this stuff in my head instead of one shotting him, I'm losing valuable fractions of a second that...'

The next moment, Vegetto finds himself in an unknown, dark place. 'Aaannnnd, it's official; I'm an idiot,' he sighs. 'I wonder whether this is because of Goku in me.'

After examining the place for a few seconds, Vegetto easily finds out he's in another dimension. Well, it's easy to return to the tournament. A kiai will do the trick. If XXI hoped that, this way, he would keep him out of sight for 30 seconds, his plan failed. And here goes the kiai: 'AS IF A MAIN MARY SUE CHARACTER WOULD BE DISQUALIFIED SO EARLY.'

The barrier between dimensions breaks and Vegetto returns to the sunny arena. To his shock, U3 Bardock and U8 Cold are about to start their match. 'What in the fucking name of fucking fuck?' Vegetto cries.

U16 Gohan lands next to his father. He explains to him: 'Dad, you were confined in a dimension that works like the room of spirit of time, except the other way around. You have been disqualified. Now leave the arena so that the tournament can continue.'

'But... but this is unfair,' Vegetto says, with an expression of a little child. 'I'm a main, Mary Sue character. I can't be disqualified. It's against the TV trope rules!'

'Dad, you're disqualified,' Gohan insists, trying to stay calm.

'But, it's unfair,' Vegetto insists. 'That guy used a dirty trick.'

'Well, you agreed to those rules when you registered in the tournament, dad. You're disqualified.'

'But, it's unfair.'

'In a real fight, that guy could have destroyed everything while you were away. In a real fight, you'd have lost as well. Face it, dad. You lost.'

'But it's unfair.'

'Dad,' Gohan sighs. 'If you continue this, we'll be transported back to our universe and our Pan will remain dead, moreover in a world with no afterlife.'

A moment of silence. Vegetto sighs and teleports away.

* * *

_A few light years away..._

Vegetto is meditating on an asteroid. Suddenly, he stands up, transforms into a Super Saiyan and screams:

'DARN IT... I wanted to break Gohan's skull. I knew he was right, but still I wanted so bad to shove his %$£ in his ***&&^^^, and then take his wife's %$£ and £££*&^ his daughter's $"!&^% and also !"""":: so that everybody would &^%%%% in their "£%&*(((((( and have to (*&^%$ sideways!'

* * *

_Author's note: Now, those who read this fic probably __wonder: 'Duh, will we have a flashback with the matches __conducted during Vegetto's absence? Because, you know, __I'm a no life loser and I have nothing better to do than __wonder that! Besides, if I wasn't a no life loser, I wouldn't __be reading Hector's fanfics in the first place.'_

_Well, I see no point in bothering with how Buu yamchaed __Tenshinhan or how Bra yamchaed that Heloite (she didn't __strip to her underwear, as everybody hoped, anyway) or __the gag fight between Gotenks and that U2 character, so __I'll skip this._


	39. The masquerade ends now

U4 Buu has sent a Varga to the organizers, demanding for a rematch between Vegetto and XXI; he wants to face the fused Saiyan in the finals, since, apart from that, he doesn't have much to live for. (Well, he also lived to see what a spice battle is about, but the show _Talia in __the kitchen_ was canceled before that info could be revealed, so I guess neither Buu nor us will ever know what a spice battle is about.)

The Varga servant returns and tentatively informs him that the organizers didn't answer. 'WHAT?' the djinn cries. 'I've had enough with all those tedious, amateurish battles. I want the really strong fighters to qualify to the next round.'

'Mister Buu,' West Kai, who is landing next to him, says. 'Please, try to remain calm.'

'I AM CALM,' Buu snaps, flinging the female deity away with a punch. 'NOBODY IS CALMER THAN ME!'

Buu's body is split into several puddles that wrap around the competitors as well as the spectators, attempting to trap them. Some of the strongest fighters manage to kinda resist this.

'I guess this is not a good time to tell Buu that I'm one of Nickelodeon channel council members who voted for the cancellation of _Talia in the kitchen_,' one of the spectators thinks.

'THIS IS MY ULTIMATE CALMNESS,' Buu's main body raises his arms and eyes and screams, the puddles around having almost engulfed everybody.

Everybody but Gast, the fused Namek from Universe 7. In a stoical calmness, he raises his hand, palm open.

'Mary Sue magic,' he declares and, immediately, all the puddles as well as Buu's main body are gathered, forming a ball that ends up above the Namek's palm.

'Send him back to his universe,' Gast orders the organizers.

'Hey, since when do we take orders from you?' East Kai protests.

'Since I saved your asses,' Gast answers simply.

'Wait, I'm... I'm sorry...' Buu (his body still warped into a ball shape) says pleadingly.

A moment of silence. Then everybody bursts into laughter. 'Okay, this guy must take us for retards,' South Kai says, wiping a laughter produced tear. 'I mean, one must be seriously brain damaged to...'

'WAIT!' U18 Goku has an objection. Silence. Everybody is waiting to listen what the Saiyan has to say. 'If he says he's sorry,' Goku continues, 'we have no other choice but to give him a second chance. Because, when somebody says they're sorry, there is nothing we can do about that!'

'Is... is that guy brain dead or something?' U8 Freeza wonders.

'Heh,' U18 Vegeta approaches the Icer. 'What if I told you that, in my universe, he let both you and me live, after we had just killed most of his friends, just because we said we were sorry?'

'Don't forget he gave me a senzu bean when I was about to kill his son,' U17 Cell adds.

'Yes, he is brain dead,' Freeza answers his own question.

'Er hem,' U1 Grand Kai draws everybody's attention. 'I agree that, since he said he's sorry, we have to give him a second chance.'

'At last, someone who gets it!' U18 Goku snaps his fingers, excited. 'Thank you!'

That moment, U16 Vegetto appears with teleportation. 'Did I miss something?' he asks casually.

'Motherfucker!' his daughter, U16 Bra, yells. 'Earlier, you missed my fight, and now you missed Buu's rampage.'

'First of all, I'm not a motherfucker,' U16 Vegetto corrects her. 'I don't even have a mother. I was born by a fusion produced by potara earrings... Well, in that sense, potara earrings could be considered my mother, but fucking the earrings is a little difficult, I mean your penis must be even smaller than that of a Chinese to fit in that tiny hole...'

'Just shut up,' Bra interrupts him.


	40. The fight of the sugar daddies

'Er hem, sorry for the interruption, ladies and gentlemen,' the announcer says. 'Now, we move to the next match, U3 Bardock vs U8 King Cold.'

'So, the time for Freeza's father to fight has come,' U18 Goku says with a serious expression. 'But I wonder who that other guy is.'

'Err, have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?' U18 Vegeta asks.

'No. Why?' Goku casually answers.

Vegeta facepalms. 'He's Bardock, your father, idiot,' he cries.

However, Goku has directed his attention to the fight and did not listen to Vegeta's last words: 'Seriously, who is this guy? He does not remind me of anything. What race does he belong to?'

Bardock transforms into a Super Saiyan in front of Goku's eyes. Goku keeps wondering: 'Is he a Saiyan? A Namek? A Yardrat? Hey, maybe he's a Yoshi!'

Meanwhile, King Cold, currently in his 4th form, emanates a terrific power. 'Wow,' U18 Piccolo comments. 'In his 3rd form, he was as strong as Androids 17 or 18. Now he's as strong as Android 16.'

'Give up, Frost Demon,' Bardock says determinedly. 'I have seen your future and you're going to lose and end up in bad shape in a healing tank. I have seen all that in a vision.'

U16 Bra sneezes. 'Weird,' she mumbles. 'Why did I sneeze all of sudden?'

Meanwhile, Bardock and Cold have initiated combat. The Saiyan's speed/agility advantage is not great enough to make up for the Icer's edge in strength and durability.

'That guy whom I know nothing about and does not ring the slightest bell in me seems to be holding his own against Emperor Cold, but I can tell he's doomed,' U18 Goku comments.

Cold is now holding Bardock by the legs. 'Hah. Look at you,' he cries. 'You're upside down.'

'Actually, YOU are the one who is upside down,' Goku's father from another universe smiles provocatively despite his injuries. Then, he takes a more pensive expression and continues: 'Well, the terms up and down are vague anyway. According to physics, it all depends on some point of reference arbitrarily chosen by...'

'Just get to the point,' Cold sighs, still holding Bardock.

'Okay, this is my point,' the Super Saiyan answers very fast and begins pummelling Cold, thus releasing himself of the hold. Then, he pulls away and showers the foe with a barrage of blasts.

To the Saiyan's shock, though, Cold emerges from the smoke, with only cosmetic damage and his muscles buffed.

'Papa went to 100% in an instant!' Freeza cries, surprised.

'Incredible!' U18 Piccolo cries. 'He's now as powerful as Cell was when he absorbed Seventeen.'

'Err, why do you feel the need to specify, after every Cold's power up, which villain from the past is Cold's power comparable to?' Goten asks.

'And how do you remember exactly how powerful those villains, whom you haven't sensed for years, were?' Trunks asks.

'The answer to both your questions is the same,' Piccolo answers. 'Plot convienience!'

Meanwhile, King Cold has trapped Bardock in an energy sphere.

'Hey, guy I know nothing about,' U18 Goku cries. 'Do what I did when I was fighting Freeza. Escape the ball the moment it explodes.'

'I'm your father idio...' Bardock starts saying, annoyed, however, the next moment, Cold hurls the ball away with psychic power and the ball explodes.

'Contestant Bardock is unconscious. Contestant Cold wins,' the announcer declares.


End file.
